PANTHERCHAUN
by SLYSWN
Summary: <html><head></head>"Tell me about the Mortality Bridge": AU, OOC, GRIMMICHI, KONTOSHI, OTHERS, GENDERBENDER, BL</html>
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The single greatest hollow ever created? Answer: GRIMMJOW oh why oh why did you have to kill him off Kubo-sensei?

Summary: Let's call it a fairy tale just for the sake of definition.

'Wait a minute since when leprechauns wear leather pants and combat boots?'

A/N For readers who don't mind a bit of crack, a smidge of canon and a whole lotta AU.

Warnings: AU, OOC-NESS, Language, spelling, grammar, punctuation, femme!Toshiro, weirdness and such and such.

Main Pairings: GrimmxIchi, KonxToshi, RukixHime, NnoixShiro, mentions of others

Created for Ane-chan: Wishing you a happy birthday and many more

Pantherchaun

_Long ago far out in the not-so-hidden sand castle of Hueco Mundo there lived a self righteous King who spent exactly 15 hours out of every day looking at himself in the mirror-curling his naturally wavy hair-practicing his trademark smirk-flexing his broad, sexy and positively perfect shoulder blades-_

_()()_

A raised brow.

A young 16 year old prodigy with snow white hair wrinkled her nose in distaste and counted to ten before crunching the paper up into a ball and tossing it in the waste basket. Icicle blue eyes narrowed at the one who had the audacity to show her such trash.

"_**Positively sexy shoulder blades? You were assigned to write a children's story not a romance novel-If you don't start taking your job seriously Matsumoto I'm going to have to drop you from this project."**_

The one being addressed, a buxom ginger blonde around age 35 pouted

"_**Oh but Toshiko-kachou it's so much more exciting this way-I mean wouldn't you want your hero to be both sexy and brilliant?"**_

All this talk of heroes being sexy and brilliant was giving the young prodigy a headache.

Hitsugaya Toshiko carefully shuffled the stack of papers on her desk into a neat and orderly pile before rising to her feet with her brief case in hand-flicking off the small light over head, paying no mind to her bubbly and non-stop babbling subordinate as she made a quick and hasty retreat towards the nearest exit.

Sadly for our first heroine of this particular tale the ginger-blonde was right on her sparkly opened-toed heels.

A perfectly polished and manicured hand rested upon her thin shoulder blades, halting Toshiko's movements-

Giving the girl no other choice but to turn and raise a thin white-blonde brow in question_** "What is it Matsumoto?"**_

Matsumoto Rangiku's powder blues danced with unrestrained glee as she tugged on a stubborn fly away white blonde lock of hair, bringing her too-adorable-for-own-good Toshiko-kachou closer to her-then with out further warning the woman dipped down and kissed the girl.

Toshiko's cheeks burned hotly-her icicle blues blinking rapidly-

Only one thought went of in her head-

'_**I'm being sexually molested by my subordinate-the very same subordinate who is rumored to be a shameless cougar-the very same subordinate who used to baby sit me-the very same subordinate who might as well be my mother-what the hell is the meaning of this?'**_

Okay make that quite a few thoughts but anyway

Now that the initial shock has left Toshiko's system (well for the most part anyway) the girl pushes the woman away and wipes furiously at her mouth before glaring darkly. She taps her sparkly open-toed heel waiting for an explanation.

Rangiku looks a little bit drunk (er make that more drunk than usual) and it takes awhile for the ginger-blonde to realize that her beloved kachou is quite furious with her-wishing to smooth things over as quickly as possible and without blood shed the woman straightens out her dangerously low cut hot pink summer dress and calmly gives the girl an answer of sorts

"_**Well Toshiko-kachou there's actually a very good reason of why I did what I just did but um it's kind of embarrassing. Perhaps if we went someplace quieter?"**_

A raised brow-Toshiko crosses her arms_** "What ever you have to say to me you can say to me right here but make it quick, I don't have all night."**_

Looking very much like a young school girl herself and not at all like a shameless flirtatious grown women that she's supposed be-Rangiku bites on her bottom lip-ginger blonde lashes shield her eyes from view_**-"If I tell you do you promise not to freak out?"**_

_**Freak out? Really what did the woman think Toshiko had done a few minutes ago?**_

"It can't be any worse than what you just did."

_**Rangiku flinched acting as though she was stung by the prodigy's words. And then she reached behind her neck and untied her dress-**_

_**()()**_

_**Toshiko had every intention to shut her eyes-no really she did but the moment bright rose colored animal fur caught her eye she couldn't look away and things started to click.**_

"You're a hybrid?"

"More like a skin walker or a shapeshifter but you're not the first person to make that mistake."

"So that means what you just did-

"Yes I kissed you just now because I felt drawn to your energy-I have always felt drawn to your energy even when you could barely see across the kitchen table. I could tell you were non-human-not necessarily a hybrid but something from a different world."

"I'm a succubus."

"Ah so that is the reason you didn't return my kiss-it was because you worried you would drain my life source and eventually kill me." _**Rangiku giggled**_, "Well now that the cat is out of the bag why don't we-?"

"There isn't any _we," __**Toshiko half hissed as she once again picked up her brief case and set off for the exit**__ "And even if I wasn't opposed to a bit of tonsil hockey I have not nor will I ever desire to swap spit with another woman_!"

_**She did not stop at the woman's hurried footsteps coming after-acted as though the woman's pleas never reached her ears **_

"But Kachou we could have so much fun together!"

_**()()**_

_**2 years later…**_

_**We find Hitsugaya Toshiko posing as a simple college student who desires to join one of the elite sororities right on campus.**_

_**And why is our young heroine of 18 years of age doing such a thing?**_

_**Because Toshiko has reason to believe that one of her classmates, who goes by the nickname "princess" is another non-human like herself. A goddess of healing to be exact.**_

_**If her suspicions are correct then the snow-haired girl will have to bring the princess, real name 'Inoue Orihime' back to the "DEN" a safe house where the last of her kind-the non-humans reside.**_

_**Only one problem the princess has not been seen in the last 2 days.**_

'_**How did I find myself into such a troublesome mess again?'**_

_**()()**_

_**FLASHBACK**_

_**Our young prodigy had been stubborn at first-refused to let Matsumoto Rangiku get with in 15 feet of her after the 'confession'**_

_**Toshiko did not open her door or answer he phone-it wasn't until late April when the snow-haired girl had finally given in and let the neko inside because she couldn't stand the sight of a drenched creature-she dried the ginger blonde off and let the woman say her piece.**_

'_**We are the l-well okay not exactly the last of our kind but pretty close to it-**_

'_**Get to the point."**_

" _**Toshiko-kachou-**_

'_**I am not your kachou, Matsumoto. Simply calling me by my surname will do.'**_

'_**You'll always be kachou to me-now more than ever."**_

_**Toshiko raised a white-blonde brow "Like I was saying we aren't exactly the last of our kind-there are 3 others but-**_

"_**But what?"**_

"_**There are 3 others and we must find them. The survival of our species depends on it."**_

_**Toshiko wasn't going to waste time correcting the woman-she got the message loud and clear.**_

_**"Why should I help you?"**_

"_**Because no one wishes to die alone, not even you Kachou."**_

_**END FLASH**_

_**()()**_

_**But who knew Sorority girls could be so incredibly boring and stupid?**_

_**Well perhaps not all of them were stupid but really was it necessary to compare bra sizes and trade underwear? What did that have to-where was the logic-Toshiko shook her head-it made no sense to her.**_

"_**Come on Toshiko-chan, you're up next."**_

_**Toshiko scrunched her nose in distaste. "No thank you I'd rather sit this one out."**_

_**How did climbing up a flag pole in the middle of one of the hottest damn days in summer prove that she was ready to become a member of BA-N-KAI?**_

_**Ridiculous.**_

"_**Nah uh there is no sitting out of anything during pledge week Toshi-chan, if you're nervous we'll help you won't we Menoly?"**_

"_**Naturally Loly."**_

_**The duo grinned and Toshiko wished to punch them in their heavily powdered faces-it was only for fear of ruining her cover that she did not.**_

_**Turning her back to the sisters? Cousins? Couple? She really didn't give a flying fig, Toshiko eyed the long pole-if she used her inhuman powers she could race up the pole and race back down in record time but she doubted the damn thing was even sturdy enough to handle her raw blazing energy.**_

"_**Hurry up Toshiko-chan I mean you don't really expect your sisters-in-training to stand out here and roast in the sun all day do you?"**_

"_**Loly, Menoly, that is enough!"**_

_**The girls jumped "OH but Hali-nee we were just-we were-um when did you-how long have-I like what you've done with your hair."**_

_**Toshiko felt like hurling and how oh so fitting it would be too-the uber annoying duo were all decked out in white-smirking a bit at her not so angelic thoughts she rolled up her sleeves, pulled back her hair (it was becoming too long and the very first chance she could she was going to get it cut, maybe this time above her ears. She gripped the pole and started to climb.**_

_**()()**_

_**When the snowy-blonde was a good 3 quarters of the way up the pole she called down to the group "What exactly am I supposed to be doing up here anyway?" she asked**_

"_**You're looking for a golden feather. Its said to have magical healing properties-legend has it that in ancient times a goddess hid it on these very grounds-any further information can be found in the archive section in the campus library."**_

_**Healing properties? Golden feathers? Ridiculous. There was no such thing. Healers and goddesses existed but neither creature came equipped with golden feathers.**_

_**Toshiko felt like rolling her eyes but what was the point?**_

_**Once she caught up to the princess (who had mysteriously "disappeared" she could move on to the next step in her journey and get away from these painfully annoying humans.**_

_**She climbed on and nearly lost her balance when…**_

_**There over on the other side of the hill (as if to mock her) was the princess but the auburn haired girl was not alone-another was with her-a human-pale with medium length raven-hair and what appeared to be a sprained ankle-**_

_**Her lips were moving but she did not appear to be in any pain or discomfort-most likely the presence of the goddess only less than a few feet away from her had something to do with it.**_

_**Both were barefoot-the was girl swinging her legs back and forth gently in the small pool of water (clearly created by magical means) while the goddess spun around in circles with her arms spread out-to an unknowing observer it looked like a simple dance or a carefree frolic in the hills but Toshiko knew better.**_

_**The way the bright green hill shimmered a golden color-the princess was gather her natural energy from the earth and healing the raven-haired human.**_

_**Toshiko gnashed her teeth together-the very second the opportunity to strangle the goddess presented it self she would-**_

_**Rubbing the side of her head while she continued to grip the pole with the other, the snow-haired prodigy searched for the 'feather'**_

_**()()**_

_**Rangiku still would have preferred to join Toshiko in her adventure as real life sorority girl rather than start her own adventure into the underworld but her kachou had refused-**_

_**()()**_

_**FLASH**_

"_**No one is going to believe that you are a student Matsumoto. I refuse to let you jeopardize the mission just so you can get your rocks off."**_

"_**Oh but Toshiko-chaaaan I promise I'll be good-you won't even know I'm there."**_

_**The young prodigy looked at Rangiku as though she were a total and complete idiot "How could I not know you are there when those things (the snow-haired girl gestured to the ginger blondes' massive jugs) enter the room before you."**_

_**The woman pouted. She happened to be rather fond of her twin gals. "Pleeeeease Kachou let me go with you?"**_

"_**No."**_

'_**Oh fine I guess I'll just grab my cloak and hiking boots and set off into the dark and dank depths of the underworld but you are going to be so sorry you said no if I die down there."**_

_**Icicle blues rolled "You're a shapeshifter, Matsumoto even if a demon or two did come after you-and that is a very big IF-you can out run and outsmart them."**_

_**Again Rangiku pouted, "I'm beginning to think you don't like me, Kachou."**_

_**Another eye roll. "I am not your kachou and even if I was I-the prodigy trailed off and shook her head. "Matsumoto go to the underworld, that is an order!"**_

_**The ginger blonde sniffed, "You don't have to yell at me."**_

_**A glare. "You are wasting time."**_

"_**Time is overrated-besides its not like there's a real deadline or anything."**_

"_**True. But I don't wish to spend the next 100 years tracking down the last of our kind." **_

_**()()**_

Not just anyone was welcome in the underworld. Rangiku knew this from personal experience, which is why this time the ginger blonde came prepared.

One of the perks that came along with being a shapeshifter was having the ability to change her voice as well as her image.

"Halt! Who goes there?"

"It is I, Haineko, the guardian of the Ash realm."

It wasn't entirely far fetched-Haineko was her cousin 8 times removed and-

"Haineko of the Ash realm, why have you come here?"

"I wish to speak with the Lust Magician."

Rangiku really hated talking to a wall-why couldn't the little bastard of a demon just show his face.

There was a moment of silence and then

"Impossible. Nnoitra-sama is busy at the moment. Return at sundown and then and only then will he speak to you, cat."

Sundown?

Rangiku pouted.

But she didn't want to wait that long-hell she didn't want to spend more than a couple of hours in the underworld? What would she do to keep herself entertained? Could she keep herself entertained long enough? 

()()()

_**Picture it if you will a long bridge-and underneath this bridge is a tunnel-a rainbow tunnel-at the end of the tunnel according to myth there is a man-a leprechaun who will grant the wish of a human/or humans…for a price**_

_**Three brothers have heard this myth-have followed and researched it since their childhood and now after years of dead ends and broken dreams and a half a lifetime of disappoint he appears…**_

"_**Wait a minute I thought Leprechauns were sneaky, manipulative, ugly, bad tempered little men with red hair Irish accents and a sickening obsession with all things gold-the books never said anything about a 6'1 male with cat ears and a tail who smokes, chews bubblegum and wears a wife beater, tight leather pants and combat boots."**_

_**The Pantherchaun who shall from this moment forth be known as Grimmjow Jeagerjaques grinned at second tallest of the triplets "What can I say brat, don't believe everything the fairy tales tell you."**_

_PART 1 END_


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Because panthers are more graceful is that it? I am not Kubo-sensei so I wouldn't know the reason.

Summary: Let's call it a fairy tale just for the sake of definition.

_'Wait a minute since when leprechauns wear leather pants and combat boots?'_

Warnings: AU, OOC-NESS, Language, spelling, grammar, punctuation, femme!Toshiro, weirdness and such and such.

Main Pairings: GrimmxIchi, KonxToshi, RukixHime, NnoixShiro, mentions of others

Wishing you a happy birthday FOR REAL THIS TIME ANE-CHAN…I'm sorry its not finished though.

**PANTHERCHAUN**

()()

_Kurosaki Ichigo, age 18 was not the type of guy to stand in front of a mystical being and just gawk at them-that was more his brother Kon's style and as for Shiro…_

"_So how does this thing work exactly? We sacrifice a virgin, ya eat em' and then our Kaa-chan will rise up from the sea and walk among us on land again?"_

_Virgin? _

_That wasn't in the script-well technically there wasn't a script at all and the 3 brothers were not actors but a group of stubborn guys who were determined to bring their mother back from the dead at all costs._

_Legend had it…if you call upon the great leprechaun and he appears at the end of the rainbow tunnel you strike a deal with him-give him or her (the brothers-especially Ichigo were convinced that all creatures/species had both male and female representatives-in fact the triplets had lucked out because also according to legend striking a deal with a female leprechaun was twice as difficult._

_A sacrifice had nothing to do with it (and even if it had Ichigo would never spill or assist in spilling the blood of the innocent) the human (in this case the brothers 3) had to present something that would appeal to the mystical creature-here the timeless classics rang true-gold-no leprechaun could resist gold._

_Tucked away in Ichigo's navy blue messenger bag-his late mother's jewelry-3 golden bangles representing him and his brothers-not the knock off shit you can find in a crackerjack box but solid gold._

_Indeed the middle son had been quite reluctant to part with the treasure but material possessions were overrated anyway._

_But Shiro (as per usual) was not playing by the rules –rather he was turning what would have been considered a fair trade off into something sleazy and for what? Probably because the powdered berry knew it irritated the hell orange berry._

"_Knock it off Shiro! This isn't the time to mess around."_

_()()_

_Kurosaki Shiro, also age 18 but never gets enough of pointing out that he's 5.8 seconds older than his brothers lived and played by his own rule. _

_He figured it was only fair since some moronic group of angels (or angel lackeys-depending on who you asked) decided wouldn't it be oh so fun to make him a freakin' albino!_

_Bastards!_

_Don't jump to the wrong conclusion, the bino berry is not bitter about the fact that his appearance is different from his fellow siblings-it is more so he is bitter because no matter how many hours he stays out in the sun he'll never get a tan._

_In Shiro's defense he totally and completely intended on following along with the original game plan-swap some gold bangles for his mother's life-it was a hell of an idea-grander than grand but then he saw the way the leprechaun (looks more like a panther but one thing at a time) was checking out Ichigo-golden eyes glittered._

_It was less than a month away before the brothers set off for college and poor Ichigo was still a virgin-yes it was painful even to Shiro's own ears-and he had tried-many a time-in many different ways to fix it-_

_FLASH_

_**There was Coyote-a man from the mountains who had dropped in on the brothers door step one day with an injured girl (his sister) in his arms asking for a bit of food, water and a possible shelter just for the night-once the man cleaned off the dirt and grit and put a comb through his hair he hadn't looked half bad-**_

_**A little ridiculous in pajamas which were 3 sizes too small for him but the Coyote had made King laugh-really truly laugh-something which hadn't happened in years and so with the help of his sometimes moronic brother Kon, Shiro went out of his way to set up the most uber romantic candlelight dinner for two-of course King was entirely too oblivious and Coyote was too damn polite and well…long story short it went no where..**_

_**Shortly after the Coyote there came the silver fox-a scouting agent-it was the bino-berry's belief that perhaps King needed some one a little more seasoned-someone who earned an actual salary-the silver fox did have a name-Gin-not the catchiest of names but Shiro had heard a lot worse-**_

_**The plan had been quiet simple-Ichigo was a musician (forever determined to make their late Kaa-chan proud) the orange berry practiced on his flute night and day (yes flute-not a guitar or violin or drums like most hot-blooded males but a flute-Shiro turned to his painfully naïve brother (in the middle of the performance) and said**_

'_**Listen King if ya are goin' to spend so much time blowin' on that thing I got somethin' a lot more fun in mind for ya to blow.'**_

_**And then he motioned to the silver-haired male sitting in the front row**_

_**Naturally Ichigo hadn't taken his bino-brothers comment all that well-what with winding up with a bloody nose and all course but on the plus side Shiro had fallen right into Gin's lap and well let's just say the entire night hadn't gone to waste.**_

_**He still saw the fox from time to time-nothing serious though-just friends-friends who smoked pot, watched porn and counted sheep-which was actually a bit challenging when all of the sheep looked the same-**_

_**But enough with the trips down memory lane back to the present-**_

_()()_

_Shiro fished inside his messenger bag and tossed something at the 6 foot 1 being. "Consider that a down payment of sorts, ya know before we draw up the contract and all._

()()

_Ichigo wasn't quite sure he wanted to know why the hell his brother had just passed his "gym bag" over to the Pantherchaun-didn't want to know why the hell his brother went fishing through his laundry in the first place-it wasn't like dirty or even smelly but still-Ichigo doubted this "guy" would give a damn about such things-_

_The orange berry looked over to Kon for an assist-perhaps his other brother could help him talk Shiro out of whatever game he was trying to play but it seemed the youngest of the triplets was far more interested in food._

_Glittery pink muffins to be exact._

_Clearly a magical food-potentially dangerous to humans-_

_Smacking his lips and rubbing his belly Kon pauses in his eating long enough to turn to his brother and speak_

"_Ichigo you need to try these, these muffins are the muffins of the gods!" Hazel-brown eyes sparkling "There is only one more thing that could make this experience even greater-_

_Ichigo rolls his eyes-knowing exactly what is coming next-because Kon is ever predictable_

_()(0_

_Kurosaki Kon, age 18 although his lack of maturity often leaves many to believe that he is just an overgrown 13 year old_

_What others list as perverted Kon calls it artistic expression-he's a porn addict and a ladies lover and as far as this blond-berry is convinced all of the other guys (including his brothers) are jealous._

_The shortest of the triplets stands up and call out to his adoring fans "HEAR MY CALL MY SWEET LOVELIES OF THE VALLEY-THE GREAT KON-SAMA WISHES TO SHARE HIS DELICIOUS TREASURES WITH YOU" Pausing as a perverted grin makes his way on to his face "COME TO ME MY SWEET LOVELIES OF THE VALLEY AND I, THE GREAT KON-SAMA WILL FIND A GREAT DELIGHT IN SHARING THE DELICIOUS TREASURES THAT YOU BRING TO ME AS WELL-_

_WE WILL CREATE A BONFIRE RIGHT HERE UNDER THIS RAINBOW TUNNEL AND BURN THE OFFENSIVE ARTICLES __**(READ BRAS AND PANTIES**__) OF THE DEMONS AND LET THE LET THE JIGGLICIOUS JUBIES (__**BOOBS**__) OF THE GODS SPRING FREE AND INTO KON-SAMA'S WAITING HANDS. _

_NO NEED TO BE SHY-KON-SAMA MAY HAVE THE STRENGTH, WILL AND INSATIABLE APPETITE OF A LION BUT I HAVE WITH IN ME THE GENTLE SOUL AND TOUCH OF A LAMB!"_

_Alas much to the humiliation of our blond berry not even the sound of crickets nor cicadas answer his call…_

_Never one to believe in failure Kon shovels another handful of magic muffins in his mouth and bellows even louder._

_Yes that's it his lovely ladies of the valley have simply not heard his calls-he must eat more and then and only then like the mighty roar of a lion, they will come-_

"_Just you wait and see-any minute-any minute now they'll be all over me-chanting, calling, cooing, purring "Kon-sama, Kon-sama WE LOVE YOU, PLEASE LET US HAVE YOUR BABIES AND YOU SEE I THE GREAT KON-SAMA, UNLIKE THE AVERAGE MAN, WILL TURN TO MY LOVELIES AND SAY _

"_HAHAHA FEAR NOT I THE GREAT AND POWERFUL KON-SAMA WILL TAKE ALL OF YOU TO THE GREAT APPLE STADIUM AND FROM THERE THEY WILL BUILD ME A CHARIOT-NO THEY WILL BE KON-SAMA'S HUMAN CHARIOT-YES YES I CAN SEE IT NOW-ALL OF THEM. _

_THE FIRST WILL BE THE LOVELY TOMIKO-CHAN FROM NEXTDOOR-SHE WILL GET DOWN ON HER KNEES AND WORSHIP KON-SAMA WITH HER BOTH HER TONGUE AND HER JUBIES-_

_NEXT RINRIN-CHAN WILL CORNER KON-SAMA IN THE LOCKEROOMS AFTER PRACTICE -SHE WILL PUSH KON-SAMA UP AGAINST THE WALL AND FINALLY CONFESS AFTER MANY YEARS OF DENYING IT THAT SHE HAS ALWAYS LOVED KON-SAMA BUT OF COURSE KON-SAMA CAN NOT FORGIVE HIS LOVELY RINRIN-CHAN THAT EASILY HE WILL TILT HER CHIN UP AND COMMAND THAT SHE PROVE HERSELF-_

_JUST AS RINRIN CHAN IS ABOUT TO LIFT HER EENY WEENY TENNIS SKIRT RISA-SENSEI FROM GRADESCHOOL WILL BREEZE IN ON HER GOLDEN CAMEL-BECAUSE CAMELS ARE FAR MORE ORIGINAL THAN HORSES-_

_Kon's roaring speech/declaration caries on for a good 15-20 minutes more but by this time everyone has either gone deaf or tuned him out-much to his annoyance._

_Not all the glittery pink muffins in the world can stop the frown making its way on to the blond-berry's face now "Ichigo you're not listening to me."_

_And he is right the orange berry is not listening to him-for he is far more interested in the alien with blue hair._

_Kon is not a selfish guy he has no problem taking 5 minutes out of addressing his adoring fans in favor of helping Ichigo find a little romance of his own._

_All though he's still a bit freaked out at the idea of his brother going off to outerspace-maybe a probing or two is exactly what Ichigo needs to take the wooden pole out of his ass._

_With out meaning too (he is but a mere human) at the thought of his brothers-would-be-alien-romance Kon can't help but picture all the lovely alien ladies on planet…well this alien's ears are rather animalistic shaped-_

_So maybe its Planet Neko-which Kon has no objections too-he doesn't know if its true but he once heard that aliens have more than one set of jubies-going a bit starry eyed at the thought that he can fondle and tease one set of jubies with his hands and the second set with his feet-well…_

_There is no time to waste-_

"_Oi Ichigo hurry up and go become the alien's bride or whatever Kon-sama has his ladies of the Neko Planet to attend to."_

_()()_

_Our prime alien-I mean Pantherchaun wrongly mistaken for alien by a rather moronic blond berry finds this current situation to be rather amusing._

_The 3 brothers are interesting to sat the very least-_

_The eldest one with long hair, pale skin, black painted fingernails, and an eyebrow ring is most likely as fearless as he is cocky-the youngest one with sunshine-red hair, a scruffy looking 5' o clock shadow (poor bastard is trying to pass it off as a beard no doubt) and a voice loud enough to temporarily make a siren go deaf is most likely popped up on Ritalin. Last but certainly not least-_

_Grimmjow created a thin heart shaped smoke ring with his cigarette as he let his electric blues rake over the middle brother yet again…_

_5'9 is a good height for a human-it means the brat is just tall enough to put up a good fight but short enough to pin down-oh what fun-spiky orange locks frame a masculine yet still boyish looking face-lime green headphones hang around his neck, a black tight-fitted tee-shirt frames a well tanned and toned chest, a kendo stick in the last hoop on the star studded belt which holds up the dark blue jeans hugging the youth's shapely hips and perfect ass completes the look._

_This brat was created and brought here solely for the purpose of having Grimmjow's kitten-or er mini brats-it all depends on how strong the orange berry's blood line is-the brat's brat's could be born human or hybrid-now all our star Pantherchaun has to do is find a way to get the other two brothers to clear off._

_But first he is going to examine the contents in the bag that the bino passed to him._

_Raising an electric blue brow at the look of dread on brat's face-_

_No not dread-embarrassment but why was the brat embarrassed?_

_Why drag things out?_

_It's not Grimmjow's style and so he reaches into the bag…_

_**END PART 2**_


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Because music helps with the creative process and yet I still don't own the berry.

Ane-chan, because blondes have more fun…sometimes right?

**PANTHERCHAUN**

Gym shorts, while certainly not the most exciting thing to pull out of a bag did have their uses and it just so happened that this is not the first time our Pantherchaun has seen said gym shorts-nor is it the first time he has seen the brat himself-

Lovesick-not exactly the manliest of terms for a mystical being to use and pining didn't hold all that much appeal either but really what else would one call watching someone else from a far?

Stalking wasn't an accurate term because he never actually followed the brat anywhere-but yes Grimmjow has seen the orange berry before.

A colorful variety of friends often flocking around the orange berry-most are harmless while others-

There is a girl he's seen more than a handful of times-she's not particularly sexy or witty or fascinating-she's rather plain and even slightly demonic looking and weird because really what kind of normal 18 year old girl spends her paycheck on bonbons and baseball cards?

He supposes her blonde pigtails, freckles and skinny chicken legs must hold some sort of appeal or why else would the brat let her sit so close.

Calling the snaggletooth midget shy or reserved would be above and beyond inaccurate.

And calling the girl a slut or a tease would be an exaggeration.

Does she have a perverted streak? Definitely but then again who doesn't?

Well the brat doesn't or if he does then he hides it incredibly well underneath his scowl, which sometimes looks more like a pout or a glare.

If Grimmjow were alone he would probably bring the gym shorts up to his nose and sniff them.

By doing this he would not only be memorizing the youth's scent he would be leaving his own scent on the brat's clothes- a necessary step to take if he really planned on settling down with the orange berry.

Sure the guy was delicious to look at and yes the Panthechaun was rather anxious to find out just how well the berry could handle that big kendo stick but forever was a long time and Grimmjow wasn't sure he was really cut out for that kind of commitment.

One step at a time.

Who the fuck said anything about wedding bells in the first place anyway?

_**He attended a wedding once- even after the 5 bottles of German beer he chugged down he was so bored out of his fucking mind he couldn't help but pick a fight with the asshole next to him.**_

_**A complete opposite a fucking giant as far as height went with freakish long limbs and a wide set mouth.**_

_**If the bastard bothered brushing his teeth (most demons, mystical beings, etc would normally just wait for the rotten set to fall out and then replace it with shiny new ones) a standard toothbrush probably didn't cut it-guy probably needed to use the hair brush of a wooly mammoth in order to clean that mouth) **_

_**6 broken ribs and a partially fractured jaw later found the Pantherchaun and his fellow non-man in a bar not far from where the wedding reception had been.**_

_**After throwing up on the troll passing off as a bar tender-arm and arm the duo stumbled up the stairs and started singing a classic (well classic to creatures who were non-human anyway) 'If Athena were born with a dick' karaoke style**_

_**Grimmjow had forgotten half the damn words but it didn't matter because his new found buddy-who refused to give a name just simply went by 'Magician' couldn't carry a tune to save his fucking life (well minus the fact that he was non-human and therefore invincible.**_

_**Perfection was fucking overrated and boring.**_

_**What did two 600 year old beings care for what others might think of them?**_

_**()()**_

Our Pantherchaun is pulled from his musing on the past at the sound of

"_Seriously this isn't funny any more-give me back my fucking bag before you break something!"  
><em>

_Seems the orange haired brat is being picked on by his brothers-if only a hero would come in and save him-_

_Well in Grimmjow's opinion heroes put to much damn gel in their hair but he figures what the hell-after all what kind of Pantherchaun would he be if he just ignored his not-quite-damsel in distress?_

_And as a bonus once he returns the bag to its rightful owner he can demand a kiss because after all non-humans such as him self do not do things for free...there is no such thing as free-everything has its price._

_So as not to frighten the brat he'll start off slow-_

_There is a term for this…courting_

_Yes he will court the brat and once the week is up well…even if the brat refuses his advances it matters not for Grimmjow is a panther first and far most and he will not be denied._

_It shouldn't be that hard. _

_He's already won the brat's siblings over-one with muffins and the other…well okay technically the bino-berry is acting on his own-something that puts our mystical blue haired being on high alert._

_Humans could be tricky in their own way-just look at Goldilocks and how she manipulated 3 innocent bears who just returned home from a 36 hour flight of course they were a bit cranky-some annoyingly little bloned thing was invading their private space._

_Frankly if Grimmjow had encountered the lil bitch he woulda cut her throat and then served it to that fatass brat Hansel as an appetizer._

_Getting a bit off track, not to mention a tiny bit deranged-point was if the Pantherchaun wanted to successfully court and claim the orange berry he'd have to make sure that there was no chance of the other two brothers interfering._

_Sure they seemed anxious-more than willing now-hell the duo was practically shoving the orange haired brat right at him-but this was because they did not quite understand yet-it wasn't their fault-FAIRY TALES as humans called them, often left out a lot of details-the fine print-of course this could partially be blamed on invisible ink but again details, details._

_()()_

_LONGER CHAPTER TOMORROW!_


	4. Chapter 4

If this story is centered around Grimm shouldn't he be listed as one of the primary characters? Well technically there are 4 main characters but there are only two slots to fill so…Plus its not exactly rocket science readers should pretty much know which pairings sly favors by now.

DISCLAIMER: If I could choose be a hollow, human or shinigami I'd pick hollow and why? Because have you seen how shiny their skin is? Well at least when they're de-masked anyway. Right I still own nothing!

A/N Nnoitra's personality/behavior is loosely inspired by his role in Totoromo's Demonology.

Ane-chan and her love of shoes revisited.

Pairings: GrimmIchi, KonToshi, RukiHime, NnoiShiro, Rangiku, others

_**PANTHERCHAUN**_

_**Well one way to pass the time in the underworld-go to one of their many bars and get shit faced.**_

_**Rangiku is not in the mood to make friends so she just orders a bottle of rum and hides herself in a corner-while doing this, her mind drifts into the past…**_

_**()()**_

_Not oh so many moon ago…_

_Rangiku was an average high school girl with knock out jugs-bubbly personality and a not-so-classy reputation (that's putting it lightly) Rangiku's mother blamed it on the climate._

'_You're 16 when I was 16 I had already gone through 4 shifts and yet you haven't even experienced one.'_

'_It's not that big of a deal mumsy Haineko will inherit all of the powers and I won't-I much rather be an actress one day anyway.'_

'_Don't be ridiculous Rangiku of course you will get your powers.'_

_Shortly after this conversation the ginger blonde received a two-way ticket to the underworld_

_It was a surprise birthday present from a father who had abandoned her when she was only 3 years old. _

_Even though the ginger blonde wasn't particularly fond of the bastard there was no way she'd pass up such an opportunity._

_Her father wasn't a demon or even a shapeshifter-he was a wandering soul who fed off of human flesh-a lot like a parasite-the man claimed he received permission from said humans but in Rangiku's mind that didn't make it any better._

_But the point here is…tickets/passes to the underworld were hard to come by and so Rangiku planned to make the most of it. _

_She heard from a girl in class B who heard it from her cousin in class D who heard from her older sister's stepmother that Spring was the perfect time to journey to the underworld because the shoe maker on LAVA HILL would be releasing her latest creation-__**Volcano pumps**__, naturally Rangiku just had to get her hands on the pumps-being fashionable was just as important as breathing in the ginger blondes' opinion._

_()()_

_2 weeks into her trip to the underworld and Rangiku was about ready to give up and then suddenly-there she was-the legendary shoe maker_

_Bubble pink hair framing a cherubic like face, short, petite, harmless looking but as always with demons and demi-gods a like looks can be deceiving… twirling a equally bright pink lollipop in her mouth._

_()()_

'_How much?"_

'_It's not for sale silly, to get the shoes you have to give Yachiru something she likes.'_

_A ginger blonde brow twitched 'What do you like?'_

'_Hmm let me think' the little demi god was all bright smiles 'Bring me the foam from cupid's springs and then Yachiru will give booby-gingy her shoes.'_

_Well it seemed simple enough and Rangiku's motto was: There is no such thing as a lost cause-adventure awaits-there's no time to lose!_

_()()_

_Rangiku arrived at the hot springs in no time…it was breathtakingly beautiful and forgive the lack of originality, heavenly._

_As much as the teen girl would like to spend more than just a couple of minutes taking in the scene, she had a task to complete. _

_She reached into her handbag and quickly collected the bright green bubbles into the bottle the demi god had given her._

_And then it happened…_

_Right when the ginger blonde was sealing the contents inside the bottle shut with a cork the previously calm springs bubbled up like hot lava creating large monstrous waves-it didn't take a genius to reach the conclusion that the waves could either seriously injure or kill the blonde but Rangiku couldn't move even if she tried._

_And then it appeared in the form of a great white winged creature nearly making the blonde wet herself but she had better control then that._

_A moment later the creature took on a more humanoid shape-this is cupid she concluded-although he's rather androgynous looking-more so than the stories had let Rangiku to believe anyway._

_Not that it mattered what Cupid looked like-the only thing that mattered now was begging for her life or trying to reason with mythical being._

_()()_

_But the moment the girl opened her mouth_

"_Silence!"_

_Rangiku stumbled and nearly dropped the bottle._

_Cupid smiled at her 'You will not die here, girl.'_

_At her relieved sigh Cupid continued, 'You shall become my eyes and ears-you will travel from world to world and teach those you come across how to love-I warn you now this will not be an easy task."_

"_Why me?"_

"_It is not your right to ask questions, you simply do what you are told."_

"_But I don't understand."_

"_It matters not. You can not just wander on to another's property and steal something from them-_

"_I wasn't st-well I certainly didn't-it's just fo-_

"_Just foam you say? Foolish girl the very foam that you have just stolen is the remains of my late mother."_

"_Wait do you mean-_

"_What you creatures call ashes of the deceased-well call foam."_

_Now Rangiku wasn't sure what to do-she still really wanted Yachiru's volcano pumps-_

_She walked towards Cupid ready to hand him the bottle—_

"_It is too late now. I can not accept the foam back-instead you are indebted to me for the rest of your days-now go spread love, Matsumoto Rangiku."_

_Before the ginger blonde could object she found herself back in front of the shoe maker and the demigod was grinning at her-several lollipops in her mouth aside from just the one. "Pleasure doing business with you booby-gingy."_

_Rangiku was confused "But I didn-_

"_Yachiru always keeps her word, have fun with the shoes-see you in 50 years bobby-gingy."_

_()()_

"_Why the long face Ran-chan?"_

_Rangiku looked up from her drink and over at a familiar stranger-he hadn't changed a bit since the last time she'd seen him._

_()()_

_Being a magician was not all it was cracked up to be-_

_In fact if Nnoitra Jiruga (sometimes mistaken for being a demonic gigolo) had it his way he would never cast another spell or perform another trick again-he'd much rather live out his days and nights licking rich red wine off of his lovely concubines._

_Mankind had it all backwards. Of course they did-they were idiots!_

_It wasn't the nymphs and the gnomes who were undesirable to look at-it was the monk's and the priestesses-those freakin' goody two-shoes with their sparkly bangles and shiny staffs made the dark haired magician want to hurl._

_No, gnomes were much better._

_Nnoitra gripped the bright red hair of his favored pet and hissed out a command "Suck harder, bitch!"_

_()()_

_The gnome with honey-golden skin was all too happy to meet his masters commands-for he enjoyed bringing the magician pleasure with his mouth-always went out of his way to do his best because then Nnoitra-sama would reward him in the most delightful of ways._

_Our not so tiny garden gnome (standing at a proud 6'2) with fire engine red hair spilling down his well sculpted and finely tattooed back, hadn't always been a servant to the underworld. _

_**Years ago…Abarai Renji had been a single gardener working for a wealthy nobleman.**_

_**He went about his days minding his own business but then one night during a half moon (hahaha a half moon as in not a fool moon-right er yeah) he overstepped his boundaries and tackled the proud nobleman right in his garden-and in the middle of a party no less.**_

_**Consumed with rage and utterly humiliated in front of his colleagues, the nobleman beat the redheaded gardener over and over with the shovel and then buried the pervert beneath the freshly plotted soul.**_

_**()()**_

_**Rather than being given the chance to come back and haunt the nobleman forevermore, Renji wound up in the underworld.**_

_**Contrary to popular belief the place was not an endless pit of hell fire, death, carnage and all things evil and ugly.**_

_**Rather it was a city like any other and Renji found himself wandering along a deserted alley way until he came across what looked a lot like a night club but that is a story for another day.**_

_**()()**_

"_Nnoitra-sama I apologize for interrupting but-_

"_What Tesla? What is it?" The magician snarled nastily at the sandy blond half demon-lil bastard had the nerve to just waltz right into his chambers with out knocking._

_A sigh "I have told you once before, Haineko of the Ash Realm wishes to see you."_

"_I don't care about some stupid puss from the fuckin' ash realm-take her to lab or something-Nemu's been wantin' a new play mate."_

_Beady eyes narrowed and Nnoitra cuffed his redheaded pet on the nose "Who the fuck told you to stop Rengiko!"_

_The gnome bowed his head and muttered an apology. _

_Nnoitra's grin returned to his face and then he rewarded his pet by shoving his cock further down the gnomes mouth-loving that the lil' bastard didn't have a gag reflex-just another perk._

"_I don't think she has come to seek your services Nnoitra-sama."_

"_Then what the fuck does the bitch want?"_

"_I do not know."_

_Nnoitra sneered at the moronic blond- "Then maybe you should fuckin' go and find out!"_

_For fucksakes being the son of the most powerful demon in the underworld sure was tiresome at times._

_Tesla wasn't always an idiot-up until a short while ago the blond had been Nnoitra's favorite pet but then he discovered pretty lil' red and-_

"_What the fuck are you staring at-GET GOING!"_

_Tesla bowed and excused himself and Nnoitra felt his anger bubbling over when the little bastard didn't even shut the fucking door behind him._

_Cracking his electric whip (only fairies carry fucking wands) Nnoitra commanded his other "pets" in the room to _

"_Pour me some fucking wine and if you fucking spill it then I'll shove my boot so far up your rectum you'll be lucky if you can even feel your ass anymore."_

_A couple of stumbles but the servants managed to complete the task._

_Nnoitra cracked his electric whip again and he pointed to the trio of women in the back-one happened to be his half sister twice removed but he rather not think of his blood and hers in the same gene pool _

"_Raise your ass higher!"_

"_My ass won't go any higher, asshole."_

"_Don't talk back to me." A crack of the whip "I told you to fucking raise your ass higher, you'll fucking do it."_

"_Um Nnoitra-sama?"_

"_What?"_

"_I think my water just-_

"_Shut the fuck up!" He turned to his left " And you didn't I tell you to get that bitch nice and wet-you better eat that fuckin cherry or so help me I'll-_

"_But I've never-I mean I'm sorry sir-_

"_Don't call me sir-shit who the fuck let some silly twat in-Apache what the fuck are you doing over there I told you to train the new bitch!"_

_A servant with midnight blue locks and mismatched eyes turned up her nose "And I told you that these hands and lips aren't going anywhere but on Ha-_

"_Get it through your thick fucking skull-Halibel-sama is never coming back."_

"_Um Nnoitra-sama-_

"_WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT NOW?"_

"_Listen dipshit we're trying to-_

"_And I told you TO SHUT YOUR FUCKING YAP BITCH-YOU GOT SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT-THERE'S THE FUCKING DOOR!"_

_Yes if he were a simple human and not a demon then our lust magician would have been the perfect candidate for either a porn star director or an owner of a brothel._

_In a sense one could say the dark haired male ran his own brothel right inside his bedroom chambers._

"_But my water jus-_

"_And where the fuck is Neliel? It doesn't take 4 fucking hours to breast feed one damn brat!"_

_**Nnoitra wasn't sure if he could stand another year of this shit-maybe it was time he took his carnal appetite upstairs.  
><strong>_

_()()_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer: I would love to go to anime convention but if they are pricey…obviously this wouldn't be a problem if I owned BLEACH but I DON'T!**_

_**A/N There are girls and then there are "girls"**_

_**Ane-chan, because its hard to write a fic these day with out mentioning the princess and the bunny lover**_

_**PANTHERCHAUN**_

**Yet another reminder of why even though flashbacks tend to be annoying they are indeed necessary in order to understand everything…**

_Kuchiki Rukia, age 19, couldn't explain what it was about the one seated across from her-couldn't make sense of her thoughts if she tried but something was telling her that the "princess" of the campus was different from the others-different from her._

_Everything about the princess was gentle: Her voice, her smile, even the way she spoke and walked-it couldn't be defined as a light bounce or a skip it was almost as if the princess walked on air-which was ridiculous and yet the raven-haired girl could not shake the feeling there was something uber unworldly about this other girl._

_()()_

_It happened in the lab-a careless mistake really-Rukia hadn't expected the princess to sit so close to her-hadn't expected the other girl to have such an affect on her-_

_On any other day Rukia wasn't a clumsy person but the princess made her a bit uneasy-combine that with the appearance of the shameless whore-in-training Honzo Chizuru manhandling the princess-in short the raven-haired human saw RED-and she wasn't talking about her rivals' hair color._

_Rukia fully intended to throw the mild burning acid at the redhead but she missed-horribly and wound up dumping the acid on both herself and the princess-but the princess strangely hadn't batted a single lash at the sight of her own skin sizzling like bacon in a freakin' frying pan!_

_The princess ignored all attempts both the professor and the other students made to help her to the school infirmary politely explaining that 'it doesn't matter-the nerves in my arm are shot so I don't feel any pain.' _

_And then with out warning-gray eyes meeting silver-blue and before Rukia could even utter a response or excuse as to why the other girl shouldn't attempt to lift her-she was up in the air and they were racing out the door (or more accurately the princess was racing out the door with the raven haired girl in her arms-_

_Rukia was rather embarrassed but didn't have the energy to protest since she was using all of her energy to keep from screaming at the pain in her ankle._

_She wasn't made of porcelain or glass (she had a fair share of scars) but she really didn't feel like being lectured (yet again) by her older sister and her sisters' fiancé about her clumsiness yet again. _

_()()_

_To be perfectly honest if any one asked how Rukia had wound up sitting with princess on the other side of the hill she wouldn't be able to explain it if she tried-and it really didn't matter-was the least of the raven-haired girls' worries._

_Despite what the princess said Rukia wasn't going to let it go-_

"_Let me see your arm."_

_The princess shook her head. "You need to close your eyes and relax Rukia, it will all be over soon."_

_What the hell? Why was the princess suddenly quoting dialogue from one of those stupid drama/romance movies-what the hell did any of that have to do with anything?_

_And yet as the raven-haired girl was about to protest she felt a sudden bout of drowsy-no dreaminess come over her-warmth engulfed her-soft and gentle hands were not touching but hovering above her ankle-sure she had heard of things like energy therapy but she was quite sure a golden glow didn't accompany it._

"_On a scale of 1 to 9 what is the current pain level?"_

"_6."_

'_Hmm lie back let's get you more comfortable."_

_And after the princess said these words Rukia let sleep officially claim her._

_()()_

_When she reawakened _

_The sunlight was shining on her face and rather than lying down she was propped up-it took her few minutes to realize that it was another body propping her up-her feet felt wet and warm-it was at this moment when Rukia noticed the tiny pond-_

_A pond right in the middle of the grassy hill-but how was this possible-_

"_Am I dreaming?"_

_A stupid question-she felt foolish for even asking-_

"_Dreaming? No you merely nodded iff for a few minutes."_

_A few minutes? Really? It feels like," a yawn interrupted Rukia's sentence-she covered her mouth and then continued "feels like I've been asleep for a year."_

_Yet another ridiculous question. _

_Sleeping for year, honestly-such things only happened with animals or fictional creatures or a person in a coma._

_On the plus side her ankle no longer burned or throbbed-looking down to judge how badly the scar would be once the wound officially healed only to find that there wasn't a wound-_

_Rukia felt completely baffled. Had she dreamt-was it possible that the accident in the chemistry lab was a dream and this was really-_

"_I really do love it here." The princess interrupted the raven's thoughts just then "I'd like to stay here a little while longer but only if you promise to join me."_

_And suddenly the princess is facing her-or more accurately just an inch or two away from her face-smile as gentle as ever, skin as flawless as ever-_

_Skin? _

_Silver-blues fall to the princess' arm only to be baffled once more._

"_It's gone but how can this- Rukia cocks her head to the side trying to figure out if this in fact some sort of dream with in a dream with in a dream-if so it is becoming rather annoying. She does not like to feel confused-she does not like to feel uncertain about what to say or what to do-_

_Lips are on her forehead now-the slightest brushing and Rukia feels her body quickly heat up and again she asks herself what is it about the princess that makes her seem so not quite human?_

_()()_

A gentle breeze caresses the young raven's face-she lets out a slight yawn and stretches her arms over her head and then looks to her left to find the princess twirling in the meadow.

Rukia wonders how long she's been sleeping for-wonders why her girlfriend didn't bother to wake her.

"What are you doing Hime?"

The princess turns and beams at the raven brightly "Nothing Ruki-bunny just enjoying the sunshine and watching you sleep."

A light pink dusts the humans' cheek and she frowns "Next time wake me up."

Laughter-light whimsical laughter is the only response the princess gives her.

_()()_

_**The princess, Inoue Orihime, or the goddess of healing as she was called by non-humans did not wish to keep secrets from Rukia. **_

_**She wanted to be completely honest with her lovely raven beauty, who had captured her eye just a few short months ago.**_

_**But if she revealed who she was there was a good chance the human would freak out and demand that she either be committed or incarcerated.**_

_**Neither option sounded particularly appealing.**_

_**So rather than be completely honest with her love Orihime created a little white lie-implanted this little white lie into the raven's mind-while the girl was resting-making Rukia think that they were already an established couple.**_

_**Lying or fabricating stories was more of a demons way of handling things-certainly not a goddess of pure light but old habits are hard to break entirely**_

_**()()**_

_Long ago_

_**Before the dawning age of Aquarius…**_

_**Deep inside the walls of the crystal kingdom Orihime and her fellow goddesses in training spent several days and severasl night learning to mold and craft their energy into tools, weapons, medicines which could aide the unlucky, the unfortunate, troubled or sick human.**_

_**At that time the buxom brunette did not care much for anyone or anything who did not possess the same powers that she herself had-she believed such creatures to be beneath her **_

'_**Good riddance who needs a bunch of sickly humans stinking up our paradise? And why should I waste my power on-**_

"_**Bite your tongue girl, it is not your place nor right to pick and choose who and should not live, you have been created because our queen willed it so.'**_

_**Here the princess turned up her nose 'Queen, queen that is all you ever talk about. What queen? I don't see any queen-just a bunch of old bags who abuse their own powers because they can't stand the sight of their own saggy tits and-**_

'_**Silence!'**_

_**The princess obeyed the command-not because she feared the wrath of her instructor but rather-she had already grown bored of the whole thing. **_

_**Turning to her longtime companion and roommate Orihime whispered "So are we still on for tonight?'**_

_**Arisawa Tatsuki looked up from her text and over to the princess-her response-not at all what the princess had been wishing to see.**_

_**Now Orihime wanted to throw something-how could Tatsuki turn her back on her now-now when the opportunity to break free and rebel had finally approached-**_

_**With a snort of disgust the princess turned away from her dark haired companion and vowed to never put her trust in another again.**_

_**()()**_

_**Late in the night just like the princess in the Arabian nights, Orihime climbs out of her bedroom window and makes her grand escape outside the castle walls…**_

_**Ah but things don't go as smoothly as the buxom brunette wished for-there in the shadows-**_

"_**We can not let you leave princess."**_

_**Ayame, Shuno, Lily formerly known as Orihime's most loyal followers-although no bigger than her thumb these three sprites have always proved their worth and loyalty to her-saving her when she was in a particularly tight spot or comforting her when she was having doubts about herself-**_

_**Yes a goddess in training with guardians, not exactly something one hears every day but then again the princess wasn't just any ordinary goddess-**_

"_**You can not stop me and if you try you will give me no choice but to-**_

_**The smallest of the sprites cried out just then- "Please princess we know you are unhappy but this isn't the way-**_

_**Orihime did not care about what or wasn't the right way-her mother had spent several centuries chained like a prisoner to the walls of the crystal kingdom-devoted every last bit of time-spent every last bit of energy ensuring that the humans below would remain happy and well.**_

_**And what did the woman get in return? Her own death.**_

_**Orihime had no desire to wind up the same way and so it was decided she would flee-abandon all that she knew-forget about her duties as a goddess and just breathe…**_

_**Her determination to escape overrode her guilt and sadness as she gathered her energy and turned on her guardians-barely batting a lash at their tiny broken bodies and torn wings**_

_**()()**_

_**But Orihime should have known better. Should have known that the past would catch up with her-yes even goddesses had to face the consequences for the actions**_

_**()()**_

_**She never cared much for shapeshifters and she should have known better than to become romantically involved with one-it was just another lesson the princess had to learn the hard way**_

_**()()**_

_**Really though the bastard could have at least waited until she finished her morning tea before dumping her-ah but shapeshifters especially dragons didn't care about things like common courtesy-of course not-**_

_**The princess ignored the pain so very near to her heart and played nonchalant "Get on with whatever it is you wish to tell me so I may carry on with my day."**_

_**Tsubaki, the name of the shapeshifter she had so foolishly become involved with looked at her with disgust-no pure loathing-his eyes were like an endless black sea-accusatory**_

_**He hadn't even opened his mouth and yet the message was clear 'You are not as pure as you your namesake, your very existence has led everyone to believe. YOU ARE A LIAR'**_

_**Well apparently there was no need for pleasantries so she might as well drop her façade as well-eyes hard like stone-voice dropping to a dangerously low tone "Are you threatening me?"**_

_**The shapeshifter ripped his scarf off the princesses' neck and wrapped it around his own-the only words to make its way past his lips**_

"_**The past will catch up to you and you will be dealt with accordingly."**_

_**()()**_

_**Being banished to the earth wasn't the worst thing that could happen-in the end the princess knew she had gotten off easy-knew she had Tatsuki to thank for it.**_

_**()()**_

"Hime, what's wrong? Why did you stop walking suddenly?"

Orihime shook her head banishing thoughts of her not so pure past and laced her fingers with Rukia's vowing silently

'_I can atone for my mistakes-I can be better-I will be better!'_

"Nothing in particular just thinking counting down the days to summer break when I can finally take you up to my beach house and officially make you mine."

The raven looked a bit confused "Aren't I already yours?"

"Of course silly but um what I meant is," she leaned in closely tickling the fine dark hairs on Rukia's neckline and whispered the rest of the sentence.

()()

Toshiko's ears were ringing-a sound quite unlike any other the young succubus had ever heard reached her ears. She couldn't be sure of whom or what was making such a noise-she was only certain on one thing

'_It's meant for me.'_

()()

**Next time…**

"I don't see what you're complaining about Ichigo at least your fans gather around you when you call them out. "

()()

"I can't promise you that your mother will walk among you again but I can give you a special key which will allow you temporary access into the pearly gates."

_**SEE YOU THERE!**_


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I wonder if Kubo-sensei had kept his original design for Ichigo if that would have altered the berry's personality…hmm

Ane-chan, you see the good thing about spending hours reading BL manga it helps inspire new ideas…well then again calling it new probably isn't accurate but, lol since when is SLY ever accurate about anything?

Terms:

Orange Berry~Ichigo

Bino Berry~Shiro

Blond Berry~Kon

_**PANTHERCHAUN**_

Toshiko's ears were ringing-a sound quite unlike any other the young succubus had ever heard reached her ears.

She couldn't be sure of whom or what was making such a noise-she was only certain on one thing

_'It's meant for me.'_

The snow-haired girl set down her napkin and left the dining hall-she needed to see if she could pinpoint exactly where the sound was coming from.

()()

Icicle blues roamed the campus grounds-she picked up several noises but none matched the one she heard just a few short moments ago. Normally such things didn't matter to Toshiko-humans were noisy-no secret or surprise there.

She shut her eyes and channeled her energy-knowing she was taking a risk but sometimes life called for action.

()()

It came to her in sharp and bright colors before bursting into a shape-a form-masculine, scruffy, unkempt, roughly around 5'8-wearing a blazer with some type of crest on it.

The crest was not unknown-Toshiko had seen in once before when she first settled down in Karakura Town-a prestigious academy-a school boy then-hmm should she really waste her precious energy on a simple teenager?

Toshiko could not make the decision just yet-no she would meet scruffy youth first-find out who he was and how and why he was able to call out to her.

Yes call out to her like that silly man who lived among the apes-Tarzan humans called him-she wasn't sure she would be able to have the patience to deal with a fool hmm but perhaps a quick romp on the field wouldn't hurt.

The image still playing in her mind the youth was 17 or 18 so he'd have plenty of energy-she wouldn't have to worry about being left unsatisfied-he looked like the type who was anxious to please.

Lips curling up into a smirk-if he wound up being a horrible lay she would dispose of him-simple as that-it was the only true perk that came with being a succubus-where as vampires had to draw blood in order to access the life source of a human a succubus like Toshiko herself simply had to press her lips against the humans and they would quickly age and rot away liking dying fruit.

But Toshiko wasn't looking to drain anyone's life source at the moment or at any moment if she could avoid it-no right now she was more curious as to why she had just done something as embarrassingly adolescent as cream her panties-

Ridiculous. Unheard of.

By human terms she herself was considered a young adult but she wasn't a damn human and she had a good 100 years plus on Mr. Scruff-this was his nickname until she learned his real one.

Toshiko grimaced at the feeling of wetness when she walked-contrary to popular belief-yet another mistake made by humans-she could not simply zap or wish her self a fresh pair-no she would have to back to her dorm room to shower and shave-necessary but a tiresome task.

()()

As Toshiko lathered her body and hair with soap suds a thought entered her mind.

What if she was jumping to the wrong conclusions?

What if the call did not come from a human at all?

Demons played tricks and pranks all the time so it wasn't unheard of…what if one or a group of demons were playing a cruel trick on her?

It seemed a bit far fetched especially since she had never really gotten close to other non-humans-actually up until recently she was led to believe that otherworldly beings such as herself were few and far between-in addition according to Rangiku their kind was dying out-unless what if the ginger-blonde had been lying-what if this whole mission to hunt down-?

Toshiko let out a curse as soap stung her eyes and then decided to banish her thoughts.

Whatever reason Rangiku had, there had to be some truth to the woman's words.

Perhaps the goddess of healing would know?

Toshiko let out a groan-silently praying that said goddess would not be fooling around with her raven-haired human when she knocked on her door later on that night.

She really didn't have the time to try and explain her appearance to a human who clearly had a bit of a jealousy streak-or so she had heard through the grapevine-

Which brought up the question yet again of why the goddess was involved with a human in the first place?

Fooling around or flirting was one thing-binding your essence to another was-

Toshiko rubbed the sides of her temples-really the "princess" should know better-all species should know how very risky it is to get involved with a human as a long term deal-

Another thought occurred to the snow-haired girl '_Perhaps she knows better but simply did not care.'_

Toshiko rested her head against the tiled wall letting out another curse. _'Damn it I didn't sign up to be a damn baby sitter.'_

Technically she didn't sign up for anything-fuck if Hinamori saw her now-Toshiko shook her head-wishing not to think of her childhood companion who had simply vanished one day with out a trace-

()()

"WHAT?"

"Honestly I don't see what you're complaining about Ichigo at least your fans gather around you when you call for them."

Kon was tiered of going in circles. They were either going to go ahead with the plan to raise their mother from the dead or they weren't.

He wished Ichigo would just hurry up and make up his mind already-if he wasn't going to get a chance to get it on with the babes of Planet Neko then he'd like to at least catch the last 5 minutes of _**Babe-licious LUVZombies**_ in 3D at the local theatre which was only a 20 minute walk away.

On top of which his stomach was beginning to growl thismeant he needed some real food not just sparkly cupcakes from the blue haired alien with cat ears.

He thought about just picking up his bag and telling his brothers that he'd see them back at home in a few hours but his powdered sibling was giving him that look-which was really more like a warning which clearly said 'Ya try to get up and leave and I'll throw all of ya precious manga down the garbage disposal again.'

_**Kon nearly cried at the reminder-collectors edition-some of them signed-gone in the blink of an eye all because his evil bino-brother was a stingy bastard who refused to share his deodorant even though he had 20 more while Kon had completely ran out and really what other choice did he have.**_

_**It wasn't like the blond-berry could have borrowed Ichigo's what with it falling behind the toilet seat and all-not that it was Kon's fault-Ichigo had too much crap piled in their tiny little bathroom and-point was one brother was a prima-donna in the making and the other was just a freak**_!

Not that Kon didn't love Shiro and Ichigo he did but he wasn't so sure they loved him-hell he wasn't even sure they liked him.

But it didn't matter because in the end they were brothers and brothers stick together-

Picking up his hat from the ground and dusting it off (they had moved out of the tunnel and back out into the sunshine which was going to set in a few hours) Kon placed it back on his head and waited for the signal.

Above everything else they were Kurosaki's and Kurosaki's were stubborn to the very end-but Ichigo was uber stubborn-giving Kon no other choice but to follow along with Shiro's newest plan-

The message was passed silently

'I'll grab his feet and you take his hands'

Yes the two brothers were banning together in order to push their other brother into the arms of his destined alien-Kon wondered absent-mindedly what said alien's name was and if Ichigo would be expected to take the guys' (minus the ear and the tails and the unnaturally sharp looking canines the alien was totally and completely a guy) last name.

Did aliens have such a thing as a last name?

What if it was something that was hard to pronounce?

Also if alien were going to actually probe Ichigo would that mean they'd have alien babies?

Kon personally thought he was a little too young to be an uncle but maybe becoming pregnant would soften Ichigo up a bit-he wondered what their mother would think having a pregnant son?

It was a little weird but Kon never really thought there was anything wrong with the idea of males carrying babies not that someone as manly and macho as him would ever be subjected to such a thing but-

"Seriously this isn't funny any more-what the hell are you two idiots-put me down!"

Ichigo's face turned awfully red when he huffed and puffed-would it remain that color once he became a mother? These were thoughts, Kon knew, that were better kept to himself.

Still now that they entered his mind he was a bit curious-and then there was Shiro-when not being freakishly scary, selfish and psychotic his bino-brother would probably have good mothering skills as well hell he already had the sexy long mane going for him…hmm two pregnant brothers why did the random idea excite him so much all of a sudden-Kon honestly couldn't say-

He took another look at the blue alien and wondered if the guy might have a brother or a cousin or a friend that Shiro could play with-of course unlike Ichigo who was only a few steps away from melting into the alien's arms-Shiro would probably make his potential suitor work for it-actually there was no probably about it-Shiro would most definitely make the other alien guy work for it.

_**A slight snicker escaped Kon as he recalled some of the powder teens' past relationships-although calling them relationships was a bit of a stretch-fuck buddies was a more accurate term-not that the blond berry watched his bino-brother get it on with his countless partners-it was always the next morning.**_

_**Kon would be glued in front of the television set shoveling mouthfuls of honey and biscuits and just about everything else in his sight when the sound of foot steps would reach his ears-he would turn and find a stranger-**_

_**Most of the time a guy but on occasion a girl coming down the stairs in Shiro's boxers or bathrobe or pajamas-some of them would just greet him with an occasional 'Yo!' or 'Hi' before shuffling towards the refrigerator while others would look at him with the kind of eyes that left Kon feeling a little bow-legged-not that he would ever admit such a thing out loud-no he was taking it to his grave.**_

_**Death hopefully wouldn't come to him any time soon especially since he hadn't even reached home plate with one of his lovely babes-he'd come close in the middle of last summer but in short the girl turned out to be a bit unstable.**_

_**After all what kind of sane well-respected girl brings a butcher knife to the bedroom-yeah Kon knew right then and there to not even bother pulling his pants down-he fled as if a he was being chased down by an angry and vengeful demon-never bothering to contact the girl again. **_

_**()()**_

"Stop acting like a jackass Shiro and give me back my damn bag so we can get on with the original plan."

Gold eyes glittered "No can do Ichi-sides Grimm here has takin' quite a likin' to ya ain't that right Grimm?"

The Pantherchaun grinned widely "That's one way to put it," and then leered at Ichigo "So how bout it brat, wanna get out of here and go somewhere quiet?"

()()

"Why the long face Ran-chan?"

Rangiku looked up from her drink and over at a familiar stranger-he hadn't changed a bit since the last time she'd seen him.

Hair as silky and silver as ever-skin as pale and smooth as ever-tall, slim, reasonably muscular, small boned and if a snake could grin it would look like his, Ichimaru Gin.

She pulled out a chair and waited for her love from years past to take a seat.

"Fancy seein' you here I see the years on earth 'ave been good to ya."

"I could say the same thing about you Gin." It was then when she noticed his friend. "Aren't you going to introduce us?"

"Oh this here is Izu-chan, we ran into each other in the ole Shiba tombs, he's a time traveler searchin' for his long lost puppy so I offered my services to help track em' down." A wider grin "Bein' the good man that I am and all."

Well the silver fox wasn't exactly a good man perse-technically he wasn't a man at all but the conductor of death-heard of the Grim reaper?

This non-man made the reaper look like one of the seven dwarfs in comparison.

A glance-one glance of those crimson red eyes and the unfortunate person (be it demon, human, etc) would fall down dead.

Gin wasn't particularly fond of his title or his power hence why he kept his eyes shut most of the time.

"But you didn't answer my question Rangiku, what are you doin' down here?"

Rangiku wiped her ruby stained lips on her blouse "I'm looking for the Lust Magician-well I know where he is but-

Gin held up his hand and shook his head "Say no more Ran-chan-yer wastin' your time with Nnoi-kun-he won't agree to whatever it is you ask him cuz he's stubborn like that."

Rangiku was well aware-she'd heard the stories but it wasn't enough to stop her. "I have to try."

"Come on Ran-chan that's no fun," he placed his hand on top of hers-brushing her knuckles with the pads of his fingers "Come with me, poor Izu-chan here is goin' through that troublesome stage that humans go through and he needs more than one to guide him."

Rangiku looked over at the time traveler-taking note of the pale blond hair-soft baby blue eyes-yellow and blue striped overalls-he couldn't be much older than 14-15-not that age mattered to her or Gin but-

The boy's head was bowed-the single blond chunky bang falling into his face-indeed if she hadn't heard him speak just then the ginger blonde would have suspected that this adorable traveler was a girl.

"He lifted his head-a light pink dusting his cheeks "I can pay you if that is what you need Rangiku-san?"

Rather than being insulted Rangiku found the boy to be adorable enough to eat-with out warning she stumbled slightly out of her chair and pulled her old love and her newest project into a group glomp!

()()

_The orange haired brat and his brothers looked so hopeful at the prospect that they'd be reunited with their beloved Kaa-san once more-Grimmjow almost felt guilty that he was about to crush their dreams with a few simple words._

"_I can give you fame, wealth, power, charm, looks, intelligence and a variety of other things but its not in my nature to get mixed up in complicated things-too messy."_

_The pantherchaun wasn't being entirely truthful with the trio but it was…complicated-_

_On the plus side-more of a fantastic reminder really-his brat looked adorable when he pouted "But the books said-_

"_I said it before didn't I?" He tried to ignore the slight pang he felt in his chest when the youths' eyes grew hard "Don't believe everything you read."_

"_That so?" The powdered youth was wearing a grin but it didn't match his eyes or the tone of his voice. "Deals off then. Ichi, Kon let's go!"_

_Go?_

_He couldn't let them go-not when they had just offered him what he honestly believed he deserved right from the start._

'_**Think Grimm-think fast!'**_

_**There was a way-it was technically illegal but then again a rebellious Pantherchaun like him never gave much of a damn about following the 'Natural Order' besides what was the point in starting up a romance with out a little bloodshed?**_

_"I can't promise you that your mother will walk among you again but I can give you a special key which will allow you temporary access into the pearly gates."_

_And just like that the trio was reeled back in like fish on a fucking hook-his hook._

"_Heh, sounds interestin' enough-alright hand it over and then we'll hand over Ichi."_

"_The hell you will! Let go of me Kon or I swear to god I will make it impossible for you to ever have kids!" _

_Just as Grimmjow suspected the orange berry was positively delicious when he struggled-not that his younger brother was much competition-the burning eyes-flaring nostrils-thin veins under that fine peach toned skin pulsing-throbbing-calling out for attention-_

_The Pantherchaun would give plenty of attention and then some but first-_

"_Not so fast. You have to promise to be good little children and not let it "accidentally" slip out that I gave you the key."_

_The bino was grinning again-holding out his hand-waiting for Grimmjow to drop the key into his open palm-"I'd say we should seal the deal with a kiss but I'll leave that to King."_

_The orange berry stopped wrestling with his blond brother long enough to register what was just said._

_Shiro and the Pantherchaun and now Kon were looking at him expectantly._

_Ichigo schooled his face into a blank mask while he weighed the pros and cons of agreeing to seal the deal in his head._

_And in then end he decided on…_

_()()_


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I always find it rather funny that clichés tend to get more response then originality…bet Kubo-sensei never had that problem**

A/N HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY…I'm not a mother but drop a line anyway, thanks much ~SLY~

Ane-chan: Fai-barbie is a bad influence and so are you. GLOMPS!

**PANTHERCHAUN**

The orange berry stopped wrestling with his blond brother long enough to register what was just said.

Shiro and the Pantherchaun and now Kon were looking at him expectantly.

Ichigo schooled his face into a blank mask while he weighed the pros and cons of agreeing to seal the deal in his head.

And in then end he decided on playing his favorite game.

Everyone in life had a role to play but none played the role to the T as well as he did. Ichigo wasn't one to gloat but really even if he was could you blame him?

It was all too easy when everyone else failed to see his true face behind the mask-having boyish good looks was only one of the tools he used to get what he wanted.

In all honesty the orange berry was a bit shocked that even after all this time not even his brothers had caught on-they were convinced that he was just as naïve now as he had been when they were 15 but little did they know…

()()

It isn't very often that a simple (or not so simple human) can catch a non-human off guard-even less unlikely in the case of our Pantherchaun but that is exactly what the orange haired brat did-

()()

One moment the youth was standing there with arms crossed and a blank face which quickly changed to a mask of indifference when their eyes locked and the next thing Grimmjow knew…

THE WORLD WENT BLACK

Sounds a bit dramatic and not entirely original but really sometimes clichés are unavoidable

()()

Grimmjow reawakened and dimly registers a slight throbbing on the side of his head.

_'Seems one of the little shits got smart and hit me.'_

He finds that he has been tied to an iron pole.

After a few attempts at freeing himself from the binds he reaches the conclusion that these aren't simple knots but the workings of an honorary scout.

_'Guess that explains the reason why they were traveling as a trio.'_

Electric blues scan the area-a construction site if the concrete cement and heavy machinery are anything to go by.

It is quiet which can either mean the humans are on break or ran out of funds and abandoned the project-he catches sight of the tacky billboard and fights down the urge to regurgitate up his breakfast- another grand condominium in the making-

'_Tch, humans.'_

"Comfy?"

It's the brat-his brat-just his brat wearing nothing more than a yellow hard hat and ass tight blue jeans-the smirk on his lips seems a bit out of place.

Electric blues furrow and Grimmjow asks the obvious question

'_Did I miss something?'_

Which is a loose translation for: Is this really the orange berry I fell for?

Said orange berry speaks again "So tell me honestly am I all that you hoped I would be?" his tone is rather sing-song and his eyes are dancing with amusement and something else as he twirls the kendo stick in between slim fingers.

And then the twirling stops and the brat thrusts the weapon just an inch or two away from Grimmjow's face.

"Feeling a bit confused?" A light teasing chuckle "Yeah I get that a lot but you know," a pause "I'm afraid I just can't help myself-

a lighting fast swipe-if it had been a sharp blade-the brat would have cut off Grimmjow's favorite stubborn lock of hair just then-as it was the hair was just blown back-

Another chuckle and when it dawns on the orange berry that the Pantherchaun will not be intimidated by him the kendo stick is lowered.

Ichgo straightens his form and lifts his favorite toy up over his head and then back down-cinnamon and coffee browns trained on electric blues the entire time-

Twirling the kendo stick he continues his little speech

"Cocky bastards like you think you have it all figured out-boyish naïve innocent teenage brat is an easy target-easy prey but you see what you fail to realize Grimmjow-

A purr? Did a human just fucking purr his name?

If Grimmjow was excited before he's above and beyond that point now-he tried to free himself from the bonds once again, a glare making its way on to his face as Ichigo let out a third chuckle-

"Watch closely now,"

The Pantherchaun has never cared much for being ordered around and his brat has another thing coming if he thinks he's going to-

Peach puckered lips hover over the instrument-a mock kiss-and then a pink tongue darts out and gives it a teasing lick-orange lashes flutter shut-

"Mmm I've always said a man is not a man unless he can appreciate a fine piece of wood like this one."

Electric blues darkened "Is that so?"

Grimmjow wouldn't admit it out loud (at least not this soon into the relationship) but that cocky tone-it suited Ichigo-suited him well.

A particularly harsh wind picks up just then-the Pantherchaun is reminded of the orange berry's half nude state-as caramel peach nubs harden-

It's his turn to smirk

"Not that I got any complaints but aren't you gonna catch a cold or is this part of your usual routine-you know the final step into getting one up over 'cocky bastards' like me?"

Ichigo sets the kendo stick to the side-it seems the youth no longer has any use for it-at least for the time being anyway-

The human wastes no time in unbuckling his belt and letting it fall to the ground-doesn't seem the least bit shy about the fact that there is a damp spot on his navy blue colored briefs-he kicks his way out of his pants-

()

Movements positively feline Ichigo stalks his way over Grimmjow and straddles the blue haired male

"I wonder what should I do with you next-any suggestions?" 


	8. Chapter 8

_DISLCAIMER: PANTHERCHAUN AND BLEACH….HMM WELL IT SHOULD BE PRETTY CLEAR WHO OWNS WHAT AND SINCE KUBO-SENSEI WON'T SHARE HIS WELL…I OWN NOTHING!_

_Hope you enjoy the latest installment Ane-everlasting!_

_A/N Why? My not-so-in-the-closet perv told me to!_

_GrimmIchi, KonToshi, others, AU, OOC, loose-plot, language, grammar, parody, etc…_

_**PANTHERCHAUN**_

_()()_

_Shiro did not like being wrong about Ichigo. It totally and completely bruised his ego-finding out that his clueless little brother wasn't so clueless after all._

_All this time he thought King was avoiding the relationships or dating because he was consumed with uncertainty and self doubt-all this-_

_A wide smirk stretched across black painted lips_

'_Heh, who woulda thought underneath tiny pout and tight jeans that Ichi was such a minx?'_

_If the bino berry had known the true face behind the mask well then…_

_The past 3 years of their young lives would have played out a lot differently. He and Ichi could have went out on double dates or hell even swapped porn magazines-they could have entered twin beauty contests-_

'_If only I had known.'_

_Ah well no use in cryin' over pointless crap-time to move on._

_Shiro climbed to his feet and kicked his remaining brother his the abdomen (the idiot had fallen asleep shortly after Ichi's little stunt.) _

_Must have been the muffins-there was something so-not-normal about glittery pink muffins which is why even though Shiro felt his own stomach growling a bit he didn't dare to eat the muffins._

"_Move your ass Kon-Kaa-chan ain't gonna wait 'round for us forever and a day ya know?"_

_The blond berry mumbled something incoherent in his sleep and rolled over on his side-a slight puddle of drool staining the worn out wood._

_Shiro clucked his tongue and kicked the fool again. When Kon still didn't move the powdered berry began to formulate a plan-_

_()()_

_Grimmjow was sure that the orange haired brat's cocky and confident attitude would fade away once he saw that a nonhuman such a himself tended to pack larger meat-but again he was met with another surprise-_

_()()_

_When Ichigo's peach toned hand moved its way towards the zipper on Grimmjow's pants and pulled it down, the proud blue haired male expected to see those pretty brown eyes widen to a comical size-expected to see those naturally tinted cheeks turn a fine shade of red-was sure that the boy would turn his head away in embarrassment-gnaw on his pouty bottom lip and mumble a mixture of excuses and apologizes and ask the Pantherchaun to-_

'_Please don't rape me!'_

_Grimmjow snorted at his slightly overactive imagination-realizing that that last bit was a bit ridiculous not to mention a major turn off-that he almost failed to realize_

_Both peach hands had taken a firm hold of his hot rod and using the bit of pre cum mixed with slightly sweaty finger tips Ichigo started to jerk him off, releasing that infectious chuckle of his, nearly making the blue haired male come on the spot!_

_And that would have been a grade a disaster-_

_Electric blues darkened and the Pantherchaun chewed on the inside of his cheek in order to distract himself-to regain control over his body-_

_By the gods and the non-gods he could not let a human win!_

_()()_

Nnoitra did not like having to chase after people-especially brainless bitches who dared to interrupt him during his hanky panky hour (never mind that nearly every hour was hanky panky hour) that wasn't the fucking point!

"Where are we going Nnoitra-sama?"

We find out lust magician and his not so little redheaded gnome strolling through the halls of the underworld (well there were many different parts of the underworld-this particular area was designed like an office building one might find on planet earth.

"Don't ask questions Rengiko-just stand tall and look pretty for me."

The dark haired male tugged on the long leash when his tattooed concubine stopped walking without his permission. "Did I say you could stop?"

He grinned nastily when the other male bit back a whine-

"What was that, pet?"

Bowing his head in shame, ignoring the way it increased the pressure on his neck as he did so Renji mumbled an apology.

He wasn't trying to be difficult or anger his master but he didn't understand why they had to leave the bedroom when there was still so much more fun they could be having.

Nnoitra-sama had forced him to wear _the _mini-dress once again and although the not so little gnome would never admit it to anyone but himself and the master who trained him well-he looked forward to these moments-in Renji's mind tight red material made him look and feel sexy.

He wasn't too found of the spiked heels though-because every time he was forced to put them on he felt like his toes were being crushed-not that Nnoitra cared-on the contrary the magician was highly amused-

The redhead felt the leash tugged followed by Nnoitra's barking command of "We're going left Renjiko."

One might think why was an all power non-human going through so much trouble just to track down the ginger blonde-scouring each level and corner of the underworld when he could just orb himself to the neko-woman's location?

Answer Nnoitra liked to put on a show-or more accurately he liked to parade his prized pet around because he knew how much it irritated/sickened his fellow "siblings."

In addition Renjiko's bouncy ass reminded the magician of his favorite child hood toy-a nice red bouncy ball-

Yes here and now the first of many secrets will be revealed to you: Our dear lust magician is a child at heart but of course if one were so foolish as to call him on his not-quite secret anymore well…

"Can't you just give me a little bit of a hint Nnoitra-sama?"

Nnoitra yanked the leash pulling the redhead towards him-caressing the gnomes' tattoo brow with his long bony fingers and purred in the younger males' ear "You want a hint do ya Renjiko?"

But of course the lust magician had no intention to reveal anything to his pet-the redhead would find out all in good time.

()()

Walking down the corridors in the late hour of the night probably wasn't the wisest thing for Toshiko to do but the had already gone to waste with classes and other pointless activities that mankind seemed to be so found of.

The snow-haired girl didn't have to be a member of non-human species in order to know where the goddess of healing slept because the campus dorms went in a circle so there was no way of getting lost or confused.

Not that our young succubus had ever been directionally challenged to begin with. Toshiko was damn near flawless.

()()

Who ever the hell created the dorm wing had terrible taste-piss yellow and shit brown didn't exactly scream

"We're the sorority every young wishes to join'- and if that wasn't bad enough when Toshiko turned the corner and took in the "art" on the wall she scrunched up her nose in distaste.

Had these humans any shame at all?

What could have possibly possessed them to create something so shameful-so positively perverse-so blasphemous-they claimed to worship the goddess Athena and yet these paintings-these portraits-

Hair spilling down her shoulders in long ringed spirals, eyes rolling back in unrestrained pleasure as she rode the wild and fierce looking dragon in all her naked and glowing glory- as another just a few feet below used its large wings to squeeze her ample breasts-

Toshiko turned away-resisting the urge to rip the "art" off the wall and shred it into pieces.

It was just another reminder of why she did not belong in this world-humans, they always found some way to taint everything-

Shaking her head in disgust the snow-haired girl quickened her pace-taking long strides instead of dainty steps-

()()

Orihime could sense that there was another non-human nearing closer and closer to her sleeping quarters but who or what the other creature/species was or whether or not they were friend or foe-well it was too soon to tell.

The goddess of healing gazed fondly at the sleeping raven haired beauty on the bed-a light smile playing on her kiss-bruised lips.

The human was (understandably) worn out from the nights earlier activities and really sleep was the best thing for her-with or without the small the small dream dust the 'princess' had sprinkled around the room.

Of course Orihime knew that when her Rukia reawakened and found herself lying in a bed next to an almost stranger well…things might become a bit complicated.

But goddess of healing wasn't one to fret over silly little things like the irrational behavior of a somewhat slightly frightened and confused human-she found it rather endearing how easily their emotions could get the best of them-she longed to shield her would be Ruki-bunny from the dangers of the outside world and if dancing around in the raven's brain a little bit was the way to achieve her long term goal well then…

'_More power to me.'_


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: My Aizen plushie came in the mail….he's positively adorable but I still don't own BLEACH!

Ane-chan, Ane-chan and her love for pockets-lean pockets that is!

Warnings: AU, OOC, parody, loose plot, language, spelling, grammar, something like citrus but not quite, etc,

_**flashback back time and then flash forward…its short but please enjoy!**_

PANTHERCHAUN

AFTERNOON

_Too close. _

_The orange berry had come too damn close to winning their not-so-little unspoken contest-as the brat paused in order to whip out his own hot rod and bring it to full mast. _

_Sucking his slim talented fingers into that sinful mouth, brilliant orange lashes fluttering-showing off more of his talents-shifting his lithe, toned, sexy shameless body-pressing closer-rubbing both their dripping heads together-_

_Removing his fingers and wetting his perky peach nubs-voice turning raspier-more masculine but still teasing_

"_Had enough?"_

_**Cocky little shit.**_

_Electric blues flashed, "Not even close, brat."_

_A shrug. As if the orange berry was saying 'Suit yourself' _

_The only warning the Pantherchaun received before he was literally sprayed with a mouthful of hot sticky cum-not swallowing it right away but savoring the flavor on his bright red tongue and then let it slowly slide down his throat while his tail swayed back and forth right before the brat captured it and gave it a playful tug_

_Grimmjow let out a curse, trying to tell himself that Ichigo might have technically won this battle but the war was just beginning-_

_And this time his world flashed white_

_()()_

_When Grimmjow was finally able to get his hands free-finally able to squeeze those delicious looking ass cheeks he wasted little to no time in parting them-loving the beautiful peach-pink color-loving how smooth and hairless the puckered hole was._

_Could hardly hold himself back-the urge-the desire-the need to sink in to that delicious heat-but no he could last a little longer-he could tease and torture the brat-he had to tease and torture the brat-it was the only way Ichigo would-_

"_Ngh Grimmjow, yeah (pant, pant,) right there."_

_The orange berry seemed to be getting just as much pleasure out of the act as he himself was-only letting out the smallest of winces when the Pantherchaun's nails turned claw-like do to the heat, friction and excitement-and scratched the sensitive skin-_

_Ichigo may not have claws but it certainly didn't stop him from scratching back-digging into the blue haired creature's shoulder blades-creating little half moon shaped arcs-_

_Smirking even more when Grimmjow unleashed a purely primal growl-cat like ears twitching-the human vowed to touch said ears all in good time-_

_()()_

_Waving a hot chili pepper packet under his brothers' nose always seemed to do the trick…but now Shiro was beginning to regret it…a sleeping drooling Kon was better than a loud awake Kon._

"_Maybe he tricked us. Maybe he never really intended to give us anything. _

_He's probably not even a real Pantherchaun but some weird cosplay type looking for a partner to take to the next convention-the key he handed you is probably to open the door to his shiny car or his 6 story mansion-maybe he's a pimp and he picked Ichigo up and oh my god Shiro he's gonna turn our brother into a whore!"_

_If Kon didn't shut the fuck up soon Shiro vowed that he was going to throw his moronic sibling off the bridge!_

_Honestly saying pointless asinine things was not going to bring Ichi back any sooner._

_Shiro read the small inscription on the inside of the key not really understanding what it meant-maybe after they collected Ichigo he'd go and knock on Uncle Kisuke's door-assuming the blond shop keeper was at home and get a rough translation of what it said._

_A thin white brow twitched as Shiro picked up a moan not too far off in the distance a smirk made its way on to his painted lips-he knew that sound all too well._

_His little minx off a brother was having sex with the Pantherchaun, which was all fucking fine and dandy except the bastard hadn't even given them proper instructions on how to enter the pearly gates. _

_At the very least they could have asked him to join in on the fun-instead he was stuck on a bridge with a moronic blond-redhead with equally moronic theories._

_If anyone could be considered a grade A pimp it would be the bino-berry himself._

_Most guys had the little black book-Shiro had a not-so-little black encyclopedia._

_Since the rest of the afternoon was basically shot to hell, the sun would be setting soon and they apparently weren't going to be reunited with Kaa-chan any time soon there was no sense in continuing to hang around here._

_The clubs still wouldn't open for another 5 hours and besides his stomach was still grumbling so he wouldn't be able to dance until dawn with out some food in his system-maybe if he asks nicely Kaze will cook him something._

_()()_

_NIGHT_

Toshiko felt her patience slipping away with each passing minute that the goddess did not answer the door.

She could press her lips up against said door and slowly burn a hole in it with her acidic like saliva but she had no desire to explain the hole to moronic humans when they came upon it the next day.

So she just tapped her foot impatiently and counted the amount of footsteps it took for the 'princess' to walk towards the door-able to sense that the other non-human was proceeding with caution before lifting the latch.

A smirk pulled at Toshiko's lips-she loved it when other creatures were intimidated by her-it made things that much easier.

()()

"Yes may I help you?"

How very sweet and innocent the goddess' voice sounded. Toshiko reasoned that Orihime probably didn't have a choice-afterall keeping up with appearances and the like was a must.

"You can either let me in or you will follow me off the campus grounds and we will discuss your fate from this moment on."

Toshiko did not miss the look of alarm in gun-metal grays right before the goddess masked it over with a gentle accepting smile and a nod. "If you'll allow me to grab my coat, it's a bit chilly?"

The snow-haired succubus bit back a snort-not bothering to comment on how the princess could easily warm herself with her powers.

"If you must."

()()

"Please excuse me for a minute then." Turning on her heel the goddess made her way back into the room and shut the door softly-careful not to wake the occupant asleep on the bed.

Orihime cast a longing glance at her raven beauty before lifting the latch on the window and tearing a hole through the screen with her elongated nails-it seemed that her peaceful time on earth had come to an end-Tatsuki-chan could no longer ensure her safety.

She had no choice but to flee-wishing she could take her Rukia with her but it seemed it was simply not to be.

()()

Toshiko let out a string of curses at her own stupidity-of course the goddess was trying to run-and she basically just let her-most likely misinterpreting the reason for her visit.

Letting out a sigh-a mixture of aggravation and exhaustion Toshiko moved swiftly down the hall ways-using her maximum speed in order to catch the princess before she disappeared into the night.

()()

Rangiku let out a bubbly and drunken laugh as she, Gin and their new pet-project Kira-chan stumbled through the hall making their way towards one of the many rooms in one of the ritziest hotels in the underworld-briefly registering that a certain lust magician was hot on her heels but not carrying enough to stop, turn around and greet him.

They could conduct business in the morning-tonight was all about having fun!

()()

Toshiko did not like to chase down people-especially those of the fairer sex like herself-it felt so humiliating in some way-certainly didn't help matters that the princess' night cloak barely covered her behind-the result of more tasteless human inventions no doubt-

"I will only say it once, stop running!"

A moments pause-no the princess was just gathering her energy to its full maximum power before she took off like a rocket-looking more like a female centaur with the way her long locks danced in the night breeze-icicle blues narrowed-the silly bitch was challenging her?

'_Game on!' _

()()

_And they all lived happily ever after…?_

_NOT EVEN CLOSE…AT LEAST NOT YET_

_**TBC**_


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN BOYS AND BLEACH FORVER MORE!

A/N slight plot change, eh who cares?

Ane-chan, you wanted a mention of Hiyori and so you got her

GrimmIchi, KonToshi, GinRanKira, RukiHime, NnoiShi, NnoiRen, maybe brief mentions of others.

()()

**PANTHERCHAUN**

Toshiko did not like to chase down people-especially those of the fairer sex like herself-it felt so humiliating in some way-certainly didn't help matters that the princess' night cloak barely covered her behind-the result of more tasteless human inventions no doubt-

"I will only say it once, stop running!"

A moments pause-no the princess was just gathering her energy to its full maximum power before she took off like a rocket-looking more like a female centaur with the way her long locks danced in the night breeze-icicle blues narrowed-the silly bitch was challenging her?

_'Game on!'_

_()()_

"I don't suppose you want to tell me why you were running just now?"

The healing goddess cursed, still having a difficult time figuring out how the young succubus had caught her so quickly-tying her to a tree with golden twine-twine that refused to break!

"Is there really a point for pleasantries at this moment?" Orihime asked even though she was quite certain she knew the answer.

"I have no reason to be rude to you. I merely wanted discuss something of great importance with you," Toshiko crossed her arms "Why did you run?"

"You know why."

The snow haired succubus looked positively perplexed.

"No I do not know. A hunch? Yes this I do admit for as you well know news travels from one world to the next but if that is the reason for your attempted escape I will tell you now that it is not necessary."

Gray eyes narrowed-studying the smaller figure, looking for signs of deception "If what you are saying is true, then untie me."

A light smirk painted powder pink lips "Agreed but first you will hear me out.

Hmm well that seemed fair enough, thought the princess.

"Fine what do you want from me?"

Toshiko was glad that the princess had a little bit of common sense aterall-she was glad that the girl would hear her out. "I am on a quest to gather the last of the non-humans hiding out here on Earth. In order to ensure the survival of our species we need to seek out and mate with the humans of who we are most compatible with.

Specifically our magical energies- however simply approaching a human without using proper precaution and courting ceremonies can bring about chaos. And you, goddess of healing knew this and yet refused to follow our code and now as a result you have brought chaos upon this world."

"Chaos?"

The princess looked unsettled by the news. Good.

Toshiko nodded and continued, "You have brought back the Pantherchaun."

()()

The human world had a strange spell-one that Nnoitra didn't particularly care for. He was almost ready to turn back but he figured FUCK IT he's already come this far so he might as well do a bit of exploring.

()()

The 5 things a demon should do when visiting the human world.

Perhaps the single greatest hand book the lust magician had ever received-nah not really but it WAS the only book Nnoitra ever bothered to pick up and actually read for longer than 2 minutes.

First up on the list-

The library.

**It is important for every non-human to know what they are in for when coming face to face with one of earths very own because humans have a backwards way of thinking and doing things. They tend to mix up facts with a not-so-funny-little thing called fiction. **

It was in Nnoitra's best interest to brush up on his knowledge.

()

After spending a little over and hour and a half skimming through fairy tales and finding that pretty much every one ended the same way (And they all lived happily ever after) the lust magician hurled the leather bond book across the deserted library and kicked his sleeping concubine awake.

Nnoitra's eyes grew darker when he caught a hell of a lot more than just a glimpse of the redheaded gnomes' ass when the mini-dress rolled up.

It didn't matter how many times he touched, fondled, fucked that ass it turned him on every time. Next time he'll just command his Renjiko to leave the thong behind since it was getting in the way of some good and not-so-proper ogling.

For now though Nnoitra dug the heel of his boot into the gnomes backside-sending the redhead crashing to the library floor and then flipped to the next page in his hand book.

"Now see let's see what's next on the list? Hmm mingling and bonding with mankind?"

**Mingling and bonding with mankind. This next step can be achieved in many ways. Working in an office or a fast food establishment, sports team or club-**

Nnoitra paused on the word club. He had no interest in going to a country club and learning how to line dance nor did kicking or catching a ball of some sort hold any appeal for the lust magician but something like a nightclub? Now that had potential.

He ripped the last few pages out of the handbook cracked his whip-grinning wide when the gnome shot straight to his feet and turned to him with wide expectant looking eyes.

"Yes Nnoitra-sama?"

Nnoitra crooked his finger "Come pet, we're gonna have us some real fun now."

()()

Ichigo still hadn't come home and probably wouldn't for a good long time because he was apparently too wrapped up in his new alien lover and Shiro had kidnapped their personal chef Kaze for a night of clubbing which meant not only Kon was left alone but he was surely going to starve to death.

And why?

Because his brothers were heartless bastards who only thought of themselves.

The blond berry pouted at his dinner. Fried PB and Banana slapped in between whole grain bread was not his idea of a meal. It would have been tolerable if it was the extra chunky peanut butter (damn you Ichigo!) and Shiro knew damn well that yellow bananas were better than the green ones (double damn you bino-puff!)

()()

Plate of food in one hand and a glass of skim milk in the other-really could it have killed Ichigo to leave him with just a little bit of strawberry syrup?-Kon made his way into the living and sat down to watch a rerun of one of the single greatest series ever made 'More More Mayhem.'

As Kon took a bit out of his "dinner" he thought about the strange vision which had appeared to him while he had been napping on the bridge.

It wasn't really a thing or person-well it might have been a person but he wasn't sure-the only thing Kon knew was it didn't seem like a normal dream-somehow he felt that it was a message or foreshadowing of events.

Kon was an optimistic kind of guy and so he didn't think the dream was anything bad and even if there was a slight chance that this might be the case Kaa-chan was watching over him and his brothers (just as she always had done) and she would not let any harm come to them.

The door bell rang and Kon furrowed his brows together. It wasn't late exactly just a little after 10 or 11 which okay maybe that was late but…Another ring followed by persistent knocking.

Shiro wouldn't be back until three or four in the morning and Ichigo never left his keys behind so maybe it was a neighbor or friend at the door?

Or better yet, Kon grinned, "My dream girl of the valley-yes she has finally come for Kon-sama!"

The blond berry jumped up with excitement.

Yes he had heard about this kind of thing before where the guy and the girl miss each other just by a hair or a small fraction of a second-if only he would have stayed at the bridge longer she would have come to him.

The knocks grew louder. Kon wasn't sure if he should run to the door in order to great his destined of if he should run up stairs and change his clothes-fix his hair-shower? No skip the shower-that would come much later once he and his dream girl became better acquainted.

Yes a simple spritz of cologne and a clean shirt would do.

Kon rubbed his chin wondering if he should shave the scruff if there was a slight chance his dream girl liked her man a little more clean cut?

Then he scoffed at the very notion. As if his lovely of the valley would expect him to change!

"Ha ha yes who could resist a dashing lion like me?" And so the blond lowered the volume on the television set and placed his sandwich down on the coffee table and then raced to open the front door.

()()

Perhaps he should have put on deodorant after all because he worked up quite a sweat. Kon shrugged and decided, "If this is my dream girl then she will forgive Kon-sama for his sloppy appearance and then he turned the nob…

Only to let out a horrified shriek and point an accusatory finger at the 4'11 freckle faced blonde dressed in a jogging suit and matching flip flops.

"Gah what are you doing h-Hi-Hiy-Hiyori!"

Ichigo's childhood friend (stalker) couldn't possibly be Kon's dream girl could she? 

Hiyori blew a mint green bubble and griped at the blond redhead "Bout time," a snort "What kind of idiot are you anyway? Making a lady wait?"

Hiyori was no lady. She was a demon in disguise. Kon had always thought so-had long ago convinced himself that she was some angry fox spirit come to bring misfortune upon him and his brothers-only her plan faltered when she took notice of Ichigo-it was the bright orange hair-it was always the bright orange hair.

Yes Kon was sure the blonde was going to break into their house one night and sacrifice them to her pack mates-mmm hmmm he knew if Ichigo didn't insist on almost always sleeping in the nude-giving Hiyori much needed eye candy to keep her evil and dark ways at bay…the blonde berry shuddered not wishing to imagine what might become of him and his brothers.

He backed away hoping the "girl" didn't intend to stay long. "What a-are you doing here Hiyori?"

Hazel brown eyes flickered and the blonde let out another snort before pushing Kon to the side and making her way into the house.

Hiyori sat down on the couch and crossed her arms "I'm here for Ichigo-wanna talk to him about something-he here?"

"N-no Ichi-Ichigo is not here so there's really no need for you t-

Hiyori kicked off her flip-flops and reached the plate with of his-HIS half eaten sandwich-Kon would have said something but he didn't want to invoke his wrath-the blonde demon would probably cast a curse which would cause his balls to slowly shrivel up and disappear or something equally horrific!

Kon backed away even more and clutched his man parts protectively as he watched the last of his uneaten sandwich disappear in Hiyori's mouth.

"Then I'll just wait for Ichigo to come back-she pointed a finger at him "Go make me some pop corn!"

()()

"Let's just skip all the 'Can I buy you a drink?' Would you like to dance? Is your eye color real? If it a blow job you're looking for-get in line."

Cheeky and confident and deliciously fuckable. Nnoitra couldn't have asked for a more perfect human pet to play with here during his time on planet Eath.

Mismatched orbs had zeroed in on the hot albino dressed head to toe in leather and fishnet the very second its owner had entered the club.

It wasn't even a question of if the lust magician should approach the guy because well Nnoitra never questioned or second guessed himself about anything.

"I've never waited for anything in my life so why don't you just get down on your knees and blow me right here and now!"

Gold eyes glittered "I might consider it for a price!"

Shiro so did love it when fresh meat came around-especially since his appetite was never quite satiated.

Giving this new met a once over and then some-tall dark and spindly-the powdered berry though it might be fun to play a little bit-after all it wasn't like he was attached or anything. He could fool around with anyone and everyone if he desired.

And desire he did.

()()

Nnoitra-sama had ordered him to get drinks and Renji was more than happy to obey because when his master was in a good mood good things usually happened to Renji.

The redheaded gnome didn't really want to consort with humans-half worried that he would be recognized and then it would be all over the news and the net.

REAL DEAD MAN WALKING.

His mother would have his head and beat him with her infamous broomstick while shouting

'_What kind of son doesn't tell his own mother that he has risen from the dead? I would have thrown you a party and now what am I supposed to tel everyone hmm? That my dead son just happens to not really be dead? They'd laugh me out of town and take off that makeup-for heaven sakes you look ridiculous. '_

Her apple-seed brown eyes so very similar to his own only would grow wide

'_Are you consorting with some type of satanic cult-is that how you were brought back from the dead?'_

_And Renji would bow his head and try to keep his temper in check as he tried to explain 'These are tattoos there's nothing satanic about them!'_

_And then the woman would clutch her beloved broomstick to her breast dramatically before falling into a faint._

The redheaded home shuddered at the realism of his wild imagination and banished the thoughts completely. He stepped up to the bar and offered the woman behind the counter his most charming smile.

()

A moment or two later, drinks now in hand, Renji pushed his way through the sweaty half naked bodies and searched for his beloved master.

A scowl marred his face when he found his master-Nnoitra had apparently spotted new prey.

Reddish-brown eyes narrowed. There didn't seem to be anything particularly special about the guy-aside from the powder white skin and hair which trailed down to his waist looking far silkier and shinier then Renji's own magnificent cherry mane.

The gnome grit his teeth together and quickened his steps.

()()

Shiro could always tell when he had caught the attention of a third party member. He could feel one or two things: The person/s burning holes into the back of his skull, eyes filled with rage, hatred, jealousy or cool warmth, warmth washing over his arms, his neck, his entire body, eyes filled with want, desire, burning lust, sometimes even obsession.

At the moment the powdered berry felt the former rather than the later and he turned…and locked eyes with a jealous lover?

Glancing back and forth between Spindly and Cherry-Shiro would bet anything that the two had some sort of relationship or connection-

A smirk pulled at painted lips-6 foot 2, tattooed redheaded male who could pull off a dress and spiked heels almost as well as a high class hooker. There was a snarl on Cherry's lips-fingers clenched around the alcoholic drinks tight enough to shatter if that was his aim.

Some what dopey and uncoordinated in his steps but with a certain vulnerable sexiness hidden there.

Shiro licked his lips and signaled to his wing man who was chatting up some cute lil' blond over on the dance floor-

It took a moment or two but a moment or two later Kaze detached himself from the blond and sauntered over to the bino and their potential new play mates.

Shiro's grin widened

'Oh what a night!'

()()

"So not that I really care at this point but what exactly is a Pantherchaun? Part man? Part demon? Part feline?" Ichigo asked while he rested his head on said Pantherchaun's chest-loving the smooth marble like texture.

"There really isn't a definition for someone like me, brat." Grimmjow responded as he let his fingers curl around the previously spiky orange locks, they had become matted down with sweat and other fun things. "I guess one could say I'm kind of like a bastard of the magic realm-don't really belong anywhere in particular.

The pearly gates welcome me so long as I promised to keep my nose clean, Hybrid City welcomed me up until they found out I was-well anyway I hung around in the underworld for a few centuries because their the least judgmental but of all the places I've visited I like it here best. No one except for a select few can see me and therefore they can't judge, lock me up or throw me out."

"Heh and if they tried I'd rip em' in half before the poor bastards could even blink and I'm probably grossing you out with this huh Ichigo?"

"Not really I mean I'm sure you have your reasons."

The Pantherchaun blinked, not expecting his brat to be so accepting.

"Reasons, heh yeah something like that."

"Well then who am I to judge? The way I see it your only evil if you slaughter innocent animals or children-sometimes the occasional man and woman but the rest-it helps to purify the earth."

Purify eh?"

Ichigo shrugged "It's what I've been told, what I've been taught-well sort of not that I'd let my brothers know, they wouldn't really understand."

"Not even the albino?"

"Shiro? Nah oddly enough or perhaps not-anyway he's actually the more protective one of mankind-I mean our kind then I am-you wouldn't think it with his somewhat freakish appearance and foul mouth and all but Shiro's one step away from being a green peace loving idiot and as for Kon- a brief pause "As long as the women don't sire out he's on cloud nine."

"And what about you?"

"Me? I guess if I had to choose I'd pick animals-hell if I had the opportunity I'd become one."

Well this was certainly an odd place to take the conversation. Interesting, though.

"Let me ask you something brat."

Ichigo sat up but didn't move out of Grimmjow's hold, rather the orange berry started tracing designs in that smooth marble like skin with his fingers-brown eyes locked on blue "Yeah?"

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: No panthers or berries were harmed in the making of this fic. SLYS name will NEVER EVER BE KUBO-SENSEI!

AU, OOC-ness, random, spelling, grammar, punctuation, loose plot, etc

Ane-chan: Here we have entered the fall season, my my how time flies.

A/N 4 people are watching this story…well its certainly better than none. THANKS FOR READING!

Pantherchaun

"Can I ask you a question, brat?"

Ichigo sat up a bit in order to give Grimmjow his undivided attention.

The Pantherchaun rubbed the back of his neck. It was almost as though tiny invisible needles were prickling him. "You summoned me in the hopes of bringing back your mother and I gave you and your brothers a key so you can enter the pearly gates but I didn't bother telling you how to get there."

Ichigo frowned wondering why Grimmjow was bringing this up now.

Not much of an afterglow!

The orange berry snorted at his inner thoughts and then raised a brow "Your point?"

"Well you can't go there if you don't know how to get there."

"True but I figured I could coax it out of you eventually," a cocky grin "After all its not like you can resist me can you?"

A smirk pulled at Grimmjow's mouth "Think you're so clever do ya brat?"

Brown eyes sparkled and Ichigo rested his head on the Pantherchaun's firm stomach-not the least bit concerned about more of the sticky substance getting in his hair when there was already enough to decorate a cake. "Only when I need to be."

"Is that right?"

"Mmm hmm and admit it you like my methods so far."

Feeling a familiar burning return to his loins there was no way Grimmjow could argue even if he tried-his body spoke for itself.

"What makes you so confident that I'd tell you what you need to know hm, Ichigo?"

"Because at the end of the day every creature wants the same thing.

The humans voice was matter of fact.

Grimmjow clucked his tongue "Do you realize the risks involved in traveling to the gates?"

Ichigo shrugged, "Its not anything we-my brothers and I-haven't mentally prepared ourselves for I mean it's the gates-a tranquil ever lasting paradise kingdom right?"

The Pantherchaun batted away the group of fireflies who apparently thought it would be a good idea to camp out for the night on his tail. Then let out a growl when the human laughed at him.

"Glad you think this is funny, Ichigo. After all what's my discomfort matter when it comes to your amusement?"

Brown eyes rolled "It's the expression on your face that made me laugh Grimmjow, not the fact that the fireflies have decided to make you there mother."

An electric blue brow twitched

"Anyways in order to get there you have to cross the bridge of mortality and that ain't no easy task which is why," dramatic pause "I'll take you there myself-well you and your brothers that is-even though I'd much rather leave them behind."

Orange brows furrowed and Ichigo looked up at Grimmjow "Where is this mortality bridge? What is a mortality bridge? I don't think I've ever heard of-

"We'll worry about that tomorrow-right now I say its time for another round if you're up for it?"

The orange berry scrunched up his nose in distaste and punched the Pantherchaun "I'm telling you right now that if you think I'm going to be with you just for the sex alone, think again!"

()()

If one of his brothers had walked in the door just then Kon probably would have blamed his current actions on the shrooms growing in their next door neighbors garden.

Famished as the blond berry had been he had no other choice but to get high. It was the only way to curb his hunger.

And as for the freckle faced blonde's head buried between his legs well…he would simply say…

'_**It was Hiyori's idea- I dropped a couple of shrooms in my lap and she didn't want them to go to waste-I figured since she was already done there why not go to the next level? As to both of our naked states well…uh**_

Kon realized that it might be a little more difficult to explain. So it was a good thing that no one did in fact walk in just then.

Of course what happened/what would happen between him and Hiyori tonight meant nothing. It was merely a way to pass the time-a way to respect-well that was probably stretching it…learning a way to tolerate one another-yes yes that was it!

A perverted grin stretched across the blond berrys' face. He still didn't care much for Hiyori but she had one hell of a tongue.

"I'm not going to swallow."

Not much of a shock.

"I didn't expect you. Hand me a tissue or something."

"I'm not your freakin' maid! Just use this." She handed him the glass that previously had milk in it.

Kon shrugged and accepted the glass ready to release until…

"What? You're going to watch me?"

Hiyori rolled her eyes "Nothing I haven't seen before. My brother and his band mates do it all the time."

To say that Kon was horrified and mentally scarred for life at the mere images making its way into his over crowded brain would be putting it lightly.

He couldn't decide if he was going to hurl out the contents in his stomach or if he was going to pass out from the major shock-

"Y-you wa-watch your bother when he mast-tu-

"Masturbates. Yeah so what? It's not like I'm letting him fuck me or anything-and even on the off chance that he did its not like were related by blood or anything so- a careless shrug

Kon distanced himself a good ways a way from the blonde "You-you're-you really are a d-dem-

"Oh put a cork in it-its just jizz its not like it feces or something."

Kon put his hand over his mouth almost positive that he would hurl this time. He zipped up his pants-ignoring the fact that he was still painfully hard and backed even further away from the blonde. He glanced up at the clock, noting the time.

"You can probably go back home now since Ichigo won't be back until tomorrow and-

Hiyori's left brow twitched "You'd kick a lady out in the dark of night after she serviced you," the blond cracked her knuckles and Kon found himself backed up into the wall "You really are a shameless pig!" Hazel eyes narrowed to thin slits, the girl hissed menacingly "Do you want to find out what happened to the last pig who tried to throw me out?"

Kon turned pale and waved his hands wildly "Uh n-no I mean did I say leave? What I actually meant to say was would you like me to set up the guest bedroom for you?"

()()

The princess chewed on her bottom lip. "I'm not quite sure I understand. Wasn't the pantherchaun bound to the rainbow tunnels?"

Toshiko nodded a yes but then added, "A foolish trio of humans unbound him from his chains."

Orihime still felt baffled. "Then why did you say I am the one responsible?"

Toshiko half desired to slap the goddess silly but refrained from doing so. "Because you used your powers in broad daylight where anyone could come along and see-

The princess curled a stray lock of hair around her finger "But no one did so-

"It doesn't matter!" The snow-haired succubus hissed effectively cutting the other girl off. "When one abuses his/her powers it upsets the balance and rules, codes and laws become null and void. If you would have at least used caution before acting on impulse we wouldn't have this problem."

"But what if things went differently this time? What if-

Toshiko was beginning to get a headache. She hated having to constantly explain the obvious-especially to a freakin' goddess of all people-by the gates the girl should know better!

"There's only one Patherchaun left right? So maybe he or she just wants to be left and peace rather than start up a war like the ones before our time did."

It was a possibility but it wasn't a risk Toshiko was willing to take.

"Yes and maybe while we're at we should ask the human of yours what her opinion is."

Gray eyes sparkled as the princess grew sickeningly cheery and hopeful "You really mean th-

"No you idiot! It's called sarcasm."

Orihime shrunk away from the succubus a little "I'm not an idiot," she mumbled sounding pathetically dejected.

Toshiko asked who ever was listening to give her strength not to kill her own ally.

"Shouldn't we at least give the Pantherchaun a chance before carrying out an actual execution?"

A humorless snort followed this question "Funny coming from someone who slaughtered her own guardians without so much as even batting a lash."

"That I was-I was a bit high strung back then. I was rebellious and," gray eyes dimmed, "Every day I try to find ways to better myself and make up for my past transgressions."

()()

Renji had figured something out a long time ago. If Nnoitra-sama wished to do something then his master would go ahead and do it-nothing would stop him from achieving his goals.

But really now was not the time to-

"Nnoitra-sama I'm begging you please think about this. These guys are humans-humans with labs and machines and needles and we can't possibly trust them and-

But it was pointless. Renji knew his pleas were falling on deaf ears.

()()

To the casual observer/passerbuyer watching a tall tattooed redheaded man dressed in womans' clothes cling pathetically to an even taller mans' legs in the middle of a ritzy night club one might think they had surely stumbled into some sort of freakshow or alternate universe

To Shiro however the scene reminded him off those silly timeless love stories where the stressed out damsel begs her knight not to go out and battle the beastly dragon

"_**Please don't go! I'll do anything but don't go out there and-**_

"So what's the deal with the Cherry? Is he fresh out of the closet or-

If Shiro were any other albino he would have snarled at Kazeshini for interrupting his little "movie" just then-instead the powdered berry mentally snickered and turned to his wing- man, clapping the other man on the shoulder.

"I think Cherry boy just needs a lil' loosenin' up-keep ya hands off the other one though-he's mine!"

Originally Shiro had planned to share both of his newfound treasures but then he noticed that the tall, dark and spindly one was wearing a silver band on his middle finger. This led the powdered berry to a conclusion. Nnoitra was not a human.

Demons wore jewelry on their middle fingers. And always on the left hand. The silver/gold/ruby/emerald bands worked in many different ways. The bands were sometimes used as a shield against enemies. Other times the bands were used as a power or energy suppresser if the demon had a reason to hide their true identity. Other bands were used for superficial or political purposes-as a fashion piece or in order to define ranks.

The dark haired male was quite obviously a demon although what species of demon Shiro could not be sure-at least not yet.

'All in good time for now I'll-

"_Ya keep spacin' out pet. Should I'd be worried?"_

Shiro didn't normally zone out so deeply to the point where he almost crashed into a damn door.

He chalked it up to the demon Nnoitra-being in his' presence was obviously clouding his senses

On the plus side the demon smelled fucking delicious!

Reminding the bino berry of rich imported coffee grounds and baked croissants-Shiro grabbed the labels of the demons coat and shamelessly buried his nose in the mans' chest-

"If breakfast tast'd as good as ya then I'd turn in ta a powdered blimp."

()()

That night as Kon slept his dream girl came to him again but as he ran towards her, the girls' beautiful face changed-it became ugly and twisted. She began to bleed from every pore as the skin on her face peeled away.

It was like something straight out of a horror movie.

Her head began to spin wildly as she levitated off the ground. Letting out a horrible screech that could rival a banshee as her eyes grew colder then the artic sea.

TBC

()()

NEXT PART COMING SOON!


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: SLY DOES NOT OWN BLEACH!

A/N This is Sly saying no story will ever be abandoned…even ones with lil' to no plot like Pantherchaun, that said welcome back!

AU, OOC, spelling, grammar, etc, multiple pairings

Last time…

()()

_That night as Kon slept his dream girl came to him again but as he ran towards her, the girls' beautiful face changed-it became ugly and twisted. _

_She began to bleed from every pore as the skin on her face peeled away._

_It was like something straight out of a horror movie._

_Her head began to spin wildly as she levitated off the ground. Letting out a horrible screech that could rival a banshee as her eyes grew colder then the artic sea._

_()()_

_Little did the blond berry know his nightmare was about to become his reality…well sort of._

_()()_

_Kon didn't go looking for trouble. _

_Trouble seemed to find Kon. _

_No that wasn't exactly true. More like the blond berry more often than not wound up in the wrong place at the wrong time. Then again if some one had told Kon that he wouldn't be safe in the privacy of his own bedroom he would have laughed in that person's face._

_It was one thing to have a demonic blonde snaggle tooth like Hiyori knocking at the front door at ungodly hours of the night-it was quite another to be woken up from sweet slumber by a wild woman crashing through his window the next morning._

_Who was she? Where had she come from? And why did she look a lot like-?_

_()()_

"_Holy S-!"_

_A squealer? Toshiko's scrunched her nose up in distaste. She had been hoping the bearded human would have a stronger, more masculine sounding voice to accompany his appearance but this?_

_Ah well perhaps the blond redhead only squealed when frightened or intimidated. Understandable since she did look quite scary at the moment._

"_Wh-Who are you?"_

_Another squeal. _

_First impressions are ever lasting. This was true but Toshiko hadn't wanted to waste her energy and time on some shallow jackass and so with a bit of a help from a certain goddess who couldn't stop giggling with girlish glee, the young succubus put a glamour over her true appearance._

"_Why are you here?"_

_So at the moment Toshiko was…well not necessarily ugly but not exactly a beauty queen either. It didn't matter though because she only planned to wear the glamour long enough to determine if the blond redhead was worthy. _

_Perhaps she went a bit over board with the blood but-_

"_Wh-What do you want? Stay back!"_

_How annoying. She couldn't even find it endearing or cute when the human practically tripped and fell on his face as he hurriedly tried to entangle himself from his multiple bed sheets and let out another screech in horror and tried to distance himself as far away from her as possible._

_()()_

_Of course calling the woman a woman was a bit of a stretch-in fact she more closely resembled the banshee in his nightmare-white snakes covered her head-some poor illusion of long flowing locks and dark blood dripped from the corners of her mouth._

_But it wasn't all bad…snakes, fangs, blood and ice-cold eyes aside she had one hell of a rack and Kon felt confident that if he played his cards right he could bury his head between the lovely mounds in due time. _

_Still…if she was in fact a banshee and had come to kill him or one of his brothers that might make the courting a little bit difficult._

_Not that Kon wasn't confident he couldn't win her over with his natural charm…because he totally was._

_He just had to get the not-so-little woman to calm down first._

_Ignoring the way his skin broke out into tiny bumps at the unnatural chill in the room Kon smiled almost hesitantly (though the blond berry would most definitely deny it later) and calmly asked his previous string of questions once again, _

"_Who are you? Why are you here? What do you want?"_

_Toshiko's white blonde brow twitched and she canceled the glamour. _

_Deciding that she couldn't stand a minute more of such pointless nonsense. Deciding that she didn't have the time or the patience to explain everything to the human one step at a time._

_()()_

_It came as no real surprise when her would-be-blond-redhead blinked rapidly and furrowed his bushy brows in confusion. _

"_Hah?! Wait! How did-? Kon-sama knows what he saw just now it wasn't his imagination…you were different-there was another woman in here and she was…well she was sexy in a scary dead kind of way but you-you're I mean you're like a beautiful snow angel who rode in on a white eagle and-Kon-sama has seen all._

_Kon-sama knows all the lovelies in Karakura and 50 miles outside of Karakura and not once has Kon-sama ever had the pleasure-the absolute delight of setting his sights on y-_

_His eyes drifted downwards a second time? As if anyone could blame him!_

_Assets like those were practically pleading to be admired-fondled-fu-_

"_Can you please just shut up for one minute and focus!"_

_Her voice sounded like Christmas bells…by now Kon was practically salivating _

"_Kon-sama is plenty focused-focused is his middle name my lovely snow beauty. Although Kon-sama does not know what he has done to receive such a glorious gift but he will treasure it-you-I will treasure you."_

_Snow beauty? Snow beauty? Was that supposed to be some sort of pet-name or compliment._

_If so Toshiko was not impressed._

_Icicle blues took a moment to study the den that her would-be-lion-like-man slept in._

_Save for the bed, dresser, bedside table, lamp, computer desk there was very little in the way of furniture inside the room. _

_The color scheme was positively horrendous-sundried tomato red, charcoal gray and buttercream yellow._

_The walls were either covered with naked women (real and animated), lions or a combination of the two. Various, magazines, manga, cds, dvds scattered haphazardly around the room. _

_Typical of a average hormonal teenage boy. Toshiko would let it pass. _

_So long as there wasn't any strange odors, dead rodents or empty soup cups tucked under between the pillows or underneath the bed she could deal with it._

_The blond redhead would have to do something about his wardrobe though because stained and ripped t-shirts, baggy sweat pants, stripes beanies, baseball caps and worn-out tennis shoes weren't gonna cut it!_

_Toshiko hoped that when she went up the human's closet she would at least discover a dress shirt or a suit in the back._

"_So my lovely snow beauty it is clear to Kon-sama that you are not from around these parts, what is your name so that I may call it out tonight when we become one?"_


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Kurosaki Ichigo you are not the father….I DO NOT OWN BLEACH!

A/N Welcome back to Pantherchaun…eh been awhile…I have no excuse. Thank you for reading the crack-humor which makes up this story!

AU, OOC, uber loose barely there plot, myths, legends, reality, fiction, all jumbled mess, multiple pairings, etc.

()()

_**PANTHERCHAUN**_

Today was the Day. The Day the orange berry would finally be reunited with his mother.

Truthfully Ichigo is both equally dreading and anticipating the moment. Dreading it because what if he looked in to his mother's eyes and found nothing but disappointment? Disappointment in his choices? In his brother's choices?

What then? They could force her to come back with them to earth-drag her out of the pearly gates against her will. To do so would be selfish. It would be selfish for Ichigo and his brother's to demand more.

It wasn't as though these types of thoughts (doubts) hadn't crossed the orange berry's mind before for they had, but he'd become so obsessed with the idea of having his Kaa-san home again that nothing else seemed to matter.

It was frustrating having to think this way. Ichigo didn't like it. Didn't care for complex things. As the middle child it wasn't his responsibility to worry. That was Shiro's job. Yes his powdered twin should be fretting over the little things. Not Ichigo. And where the hell was Shiro anyway? And Kon too for that matter? They should have been here back on the bridge an hour ago!

Ichigo scowled into the harsh sunlight and cursed his brothers.

As if sensing his tension, unease and annoyance the Pantherchaun began rubbing the human's neck and shoulders, ignoring the natural urge to lick and bite the sun-kissed skin, putting his shameless horn ball ways on pause for the moment.

"Ease up brat, all this stress will give you gray hairs before you reach your twentieth year."

-Not that it would make Ichigo any less desirable or attractive in Grimmjow's eyes but still…stress could cripple even the toughest of men.

"I can't ease up without knowing more. I need to talk to my brothers. We need to go over the game plan or perhaps revise it even?" Ichigo released a frustrated groan but did not move away from Grimmjow's hold and continued to gripe/complain,

"Maybe we're rushing things too soon. I mean we've been preparing for this day for year's and-oooh ahh a little lower-yeah right there. We've been at this for years but I feel like-argggh!"

It was no use. Even as nice as having his neck and shoulders rubbed felt right now Ichigo didn't have the time-he just wasn't feeling in the mood for-

And so he slapped the Pantherchaun's hands away and demanded, "Tell me more about the mortality bridge you mentioned before, what is it exactly like some kind of invisible barrier between here and the pearly gates?"

The Pantherchaun was not in the nature of repeating himself (which is why he originally asked Ichigo to wait until Kon and Shiro arrived so he could tell all the brothers at once) but he didn't know what else to do for Ichigo at this point so Grimmjow figured-Fuck it~

"Yes but that's not all. There's more to it."

At Ichigo's raised brow Grimmjow elaborated,

"The mortality bridge isn't actually a bridge at all-at least not in the normal sense-it is a ship, a grand ship that is designed to keep mortals such as yourself out! No matter the culture, no matter the language some things are the same. Crossing into forbidden territories, tampering with time, changing the out come of life or death-all of it is against the rules-against the law. You break it and you are up shits creak-I think you get where I'm getting at here, don't you brat?"

"You're basically telling me that the "bridge" is like a giant electric fence and whoever dares to cross it will only be met with pain, tragedy, death."

"Got it in one Ichigo so you see why I was a bit reluctant to hand over the key and agree to-

"Life is all about taking risks." Ichigo turned to face Grimmjow and the Pantherchaun did not miss the burning fire in the brat's eyes "Shiro, Kon and I decided a long time ago that we would be willing to take any and every risk in order to get back our Kaa-san!"

The Pantherchaun grinned feeling oddly proud. Yeah he'd picked the best human of the bunch. No question about that.

"Heh, yeah I pretty much figured you would say that but don't get the wrong idea Ichigo, just now I wasn't trying to make you scared or announce that I was suddenly backing out on you guys or something."

The berry was smiling up at him now, looking at him with the utmost fond expression, "Hmmm, then what were you trying to do?"

The Pantherchaun nuzzled his nose into the berry's soft orange locks, "Just mentally preparing you is all-well that and-

"And?"

Unfortunately the Pantherchaun never got around to answering the question because just then a flaming arrow shot past-missing his hair line by less than a fraction of an inch

And you know what they say about flaming anything?

Usually spells trouble.

TBC


End file.
